Don't Forget to Stop and Eat the Roses

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2010-11-17T07:22:00.002Z

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Another Revamp

2010-11-16T20:04:00.002Z

It has been two years yet again, and I stubbornly refuse to give up on this blog.

Perhaps I will keep it as a blog for personal opinions, separting it from my more food and food-industry and law oriented blog at http://eattheroses.wordpress.com/.

Time (and availability of such) will tell, as it tends to.

A job and nearly a year later...

2008-07-02T06:41:00.003+01:00

... I never actually planned to move to Wales.

These things happen. Or, apparently they happen to me. And though it is not Wales itself I moved to, but Chester, which is on the border of Wales--I do work in Wales now-- and so I can claim some semi-affinity to the place that for some reason, so many Brits seem to look down upon.

Most of what I saw of Wales seems rural, and largely unpolluted and very pretty. In the interlude between the last post and this one, I had spent 7 months in the London area and I must say they were a time of my life that probably wins some sort of award for wandering into the wrong place (and staying there for over half a year). But, as with any experiences, one can learn many useful things. For example (or a few):

I hate London. It is filthy, crowded and the people are rude and don't tend to give a damn.
I hate Londoners. In their majority (there are exceptions of course, there are everywhere), they don't give a damn about others. Or filth.
I hate filth. Garbage, rubbish, and polluted water. (See #1)
I hate people who care about their historic and grand city so little, it becomes all of the above (See #2)

... There, now that I have it off my chest, I feel better. And less hateful.

In fact, since I moved to Chester a week in a half ago, I have been downright idiotically happy, like I am on vacation without being on one. Because, obviouisly, I work. But I happen to like my job, like the people (Welsh or otherwise, including my loud and bouncy yank of a boss), and like going there.

And I would write more, but as it happens, I have to go to aforementioned job. Write more later. And I need to take pictures. Lots of pictures.

Job, The Tube and Living in Random Places

2007-11-28T22:06:00.001Z

... Not that I am a huge fan of London underground either, so I suppose in some ways it is mutual. It seems that while other commuters have more or less trouble getting where they are going, the Tube conspires to make me late to my commute trains, and consequently kills off some of my life nearly each evening.

I got a job in London, in the Bow area. The office is located in a nice office park (keyword being park, there are actually lawns and trees there!) about 8 minutes walk from the nearest tube station, and all in all it's not at all bad even considering the fun things Tube comes up with to make me late to work or to catch my evening trains. I enjoy the job, the predominantly South African (don't ask why, no one knows) team is nice, and I am really not complaining. However, the reality of London is such that only those really well off can afford their own lodging, and so I settled in Luton (for now anyway).

No, don't ask why Luton. It was only just more reasonable than poking a finger into map in general London vicinity with eyes closed and then calling up real estate agents there to see what they have to offer. Could just as well have ended up in Barking or on the East coast near London, really. But, Luton is also near the airport and it is on the large train link, so it's convenient enough for commute and large enough to be a town, not a village. It's also slightly run-down, but not in a rough way. Just somewhat scruffy here and there, though some repairs are being done and some effort is being put into fixing things up. Which need it.

On the flipside, I now have a lovely apartment about 15 minutes walk from city center and train station that I do not need to share with anyone (one of my work colleagues lives in a 6-room house with 7 other people!), there is a small but nice looking park nearby, and I plan to go exploring the somewhat-random location I have landed in some more in the upcoming weekends.

One thing one does not think about when unemployed is the waking up. My commute really isn't bad, but I do have to wake up a bit before 6am, and I am not sure I will ever get used to that, or if it will always be a tragedy. I do know that once long ago when I had to wake up at 5am oftentimes for work, I never got used to it. But this is more reasonable, and I have better habits of going to sleep these days as well.

And, to attest to that, I am getting tired. I suppose I should lay off the laptop and go get into bed so that I can be halfway alive tomorrow for work.

On a side note, found out that my brother is going to Bangkok but not why or for how long. Need to get hold of the bugger and find out.

Three Gazillion Interviews (Not Complaining!)

2007-08-20T13:50:00.000+01:00

I have been in Leicester for less than two weeks, and things seem to be looking up job-wise. Or well, at least I hope they are looking up. *knocks on wooden head*

I have gone to the interview with the company in Surrey which want me for a regulatory research position--a job I would frankly love. The catch there is that the pay needs to be sufficient for me to live comfortably not too far from the place, which is in SE England and thus expensive. The agent got back to me saying the feedback from the HR post-interview was very positive in every way bla bla bla, and that they will get back to her/me by the end of next week (that will be end of August or thereabouts).

All in all the delay is more a blessing than a curse--I have an interview upcoming this Wednesday with a pharmaceutical company for a regulatory position. I am not entirely sure about how qualified I am for this, but supposedly they have seen my CV and wanted to meet me, so perhaps they think I can do it. I will have to do some reading on the subjects listed on the job specification tomorrow and brush up on some related topics as well. I sincerely hope it won't be a waste of time, mostly because the train tickets in UK are stupidly expensive for no good reason, and I do not yet have a car. Kind of need a job for that.

The more interesting reason why I don't mind the slight delay in the first mentioned response is the fact that I have an interview scheduled for first week of September for a job closer to here, and one that I really would love as well, possibly even more so than the one in Surrey. So I am not in a terrible hurry to have to give an answer there, should I get an offer. Which it sounds like I may *knock on head some more*.

In meantime, I am working on flooding the agencies dealing with my professional field (food and regulatory science) with my CV. and seeing what I hear from where and how. One nice thing I heard so far was at the first interview I went to, actually--I got told to my face that the job market has very few regulatory professionals with any experience, which rather brightened my outlook. Now all I need is for someone in those [insert large number here] upcoming and past interviews to recognize my shining magnificence and finally give me a job.

Yep, I think I would like that.

Vienna Vacation--thoughts and impressions

2007-08-10T19:01:00.001+01:00

The vacation in Vienna went great, despite a couple of days with rain that we spent indoors. I have been to Austria before, and spent some days in the Tyrolean Alps, but I have only driven through Vienna once before and never actually had the chance to see the city.

I was lucky in that the week I was there, the temperature was 10 degrees C lower than the week before, which had been infernally hot. At 22-27C, the heat was rather nice, and it was a pleasure to walk outdoors. I suppose I did not see as much of the city as I could have, had I run around the entire week--but I was visiting a friend as well as the city, so we spent some time just being silly and relaxing in the evenings. No, I won't explain silly. All my credibility as a marginally sane person would be out the window that very moment, so no. And it was not what you probably think either.

Viennese palace garden is rather beautiful. It is not the biggest or most impressive garden that I have seen between some botanical gardens and Versailles, but it has a nice layout, a well-tended rosarium, and some antique hothouses replicating conditions for tropical and subtropical species. I should probably dump my camera and post some photos, note to self to do that.

The inner city of Vienna is not very old, with the exception of a few buildings and a gorgeous gothic cathedral with two organs (but only one tower--they ran out of something or other or funds during construction and stopped that short). It is in a far better condition than Notre Dame in Paris, as Austrians have been taking better care while washing the soot and dirt off the delicate carvings than the French did with their cathedral. Kudos to the Austrians, because the carvings on Notre Dame were in a sad shape when I saw them after cleaning some years ago.

The cathedral in Vienna--St. Stephen's Cathedral--is apparently one of the oldest cathedrals in Europe. Martin said that it was a thousand years old, I bickered with him a bit over that, but it looks like he was mostly right. Looking up on wikipedia, it seems that it was built in 1147 originally, which makes it nearly 900 years old, with major work (what I would guess from the gothic architectural style and detail) concluding in 1500s. I am always amazed at this particular style of architecture--the amount of work that goes into the carving and decoration as well as the actual engineering of the tall thin arches is astounding.

However, it is not the thought of craftsmanship that captivates you when you look up at those ceilings, or up over the outside of lace-fine stone decorations on the spire. It is the sheer beauty of it all, and the wonder that in such dark times, such beauty was imagined, created and built. And comparing to the chunky architecture of the previous period, and the over-the-top near-tastelessness of the one after, I always feel sad that more such beautiful things were not built. It is understandable, as the funding and effort to build such was monumental--would be even by modern standards. The purely economic justification gives me no satisfaction however. And I pity the fact that such beauty is not likely to be built again, not unless someone very rich decides to finance this sort of effort. Oh the chances of that happening... right.

Martin was terrible. He actually took me to the best (according to him but I have reasons to believe he is right) ice cream shop in Vienna. Twice. I have not had that much really good ice cream in ages. I had coconut, pistachio, walnut and blueberry varieties, and every single one was to die for. I also picked at his selections, which were chocolate flake in vanilla (forgot the Italian name for it!), melon and grapefruit. I would not have thought you could make good melon or grapefruit ice cream (not sorbet!), but apparently you can, and oh my god is it good. I feel like I ate my semiannual allowance of ice cream in one week, but it was entirely worth it. Every bite.

The way back was not nearly as bad as I worried it'd be--the shuttle bus from Vienna took me directly to the airport, and the facilities there were as good as in any modern airport--I suspect the budget airlines flying via Bratislava have renovated the place quite a bit. And with direct shuttle service there and back it is quite easily accessible as well.

Overall I'd say it was great, if too short even if it was a full week. Must get more job, must get more vacation time. And thus, more vacation.

Shopping in your own closet

2007-07-29T13:38:00.001+01:00

... or in my case, the storage area. In boxes contained therein. The boxes in which a ton and a half of my nice clothes have been stored--clothes that I did not fit into for a couple of years, but--halleluyah--do fit into rather nicely now.

I have come to a prosaic conclusion that however little I care for money, I need a job that pays well for one simple reason: the clothes that fit me well tend to be the really expensive sorts, not the off-the-rack lower-grade stuff. And to afford those I need--bingo!--money. Unpleasant as it may be. Oh well, I am working on the job bit, we'll see about how well-paid once I have an offer or two.

On the up side, I have a ton of clothes that I liked, and still do, in pretty great condition and now fitting me. It is, as a friend of mine said, like going and shopping for all your favorite stuff again--for free. Not to mention that having lost a lot of weight, and with my vanity back, I feel rather happy. And looking forward to my vacation and excuse to wear some of these pretty clothes in sunny weather and going to museums and parks and such.

Sunny weather seems rather inviting right about now, as the rain which was hitting England for the past two weeks finally made its way to Sweden, and it has been pouring like someone opened the drain in some bathtub-in-the-sky all day. And storming, with thunder in the distance (yay for laptop batteries, unplugged it till it was safe again). I can't say I like the weather to be out in, but it is a nice atmosphere and the trees and growth here needed it (it's been a little too dry). So cannot complain.

Of the packing saga, now that I found more clothes, I am again stuck with a decision... what to unpack to fit in the things I want to fit in, what to pack, how to fit it all back into one bag. It won't fit, so what to leave out. Moreover, the laundry time I thought I had booked for today was not booked, so I ended up booking one Sunday afternoon instead (better time anyhow), which means some things will get laundered then and will need to be packed at that point. If I weren't so happy about everything else, I would be tearing my hair out.

In other news, I am restless so I suppose I could do some more writing on my project while waiting for Wednesday to be here.

Prosaic Entries

2007-07-28T21:44:00.000+01:00

I noticed that lately my blog entries have been somewhat flat and prosaic compared to how I used to write here. I am not sure I like the change, but I think I know what brought it about. I spend a lot less time online these days, and what I do is generally busy things which are not terribly glamorous to write about.

That, and I am more or less in a constant state of anticipation about the move (again), the job interview, and my upcoming vacation. So I would like to write entertaining or beautiful entries, but not much is that exciting or inspiring happens at the moment, and thus entries become more or less flat notes of what happened this day or the next.

I think that once some more exciting and interesting things happen, I will have more to write about, and can write more interestingly about it. For now, most of my creativity goes into the writing project, leaving just time for these--notes, as I'd call them.

Not really creative, and not sure they are interesting to read to anyone but those who care what I am up to.

Weather

2007-07-28T21:14:00.000+01:00

The past weeks have seen rather random and not always welcome weather across Europe. England has been flooded, Austria and Bulgaria and SE Europe in general were cooked at 37-40C, and Sweden has been unusually dry. Till a few days ago when the rains that were camped in England for a while finally made their way here and drizzled on and off for a few days.

That is to say, it's all been rather unpredictable. Yesterday it rained like the sky developed a leaky roof, and I had worried that our barbecue plans for today would be ruined, but things turned out rather nice anyway. Today the rain came and went several times, but in short bursts--and the sky was bright and clear in between those. By the time we were ready to grill, another burst of rain fell, and then it was gone. We spread some picnic blankets on the seats to keep out the damp, and sat outside enjoying the fading light. With me leaving for vacation and then UK, it would have been a shame to waste the Saturday night indoors.

For tomorrow, I hope the better kind of weather holds. We have plans to go to the harbor to see the sailships gathered there for the sailing tour. Apparently there are some rather old and impressive and large ones there, as well as the usual assortment of yachts and smaller craft. Also an excuse to do some shopping in town which I need.

So, the gods of weather, if you are listening, please rain Monday instead. Thank you.

Packing

2007-07-24T14:11:00.000+01:00

... and as always, packing too much. Good thing I start early, because then I have time to think about the bulging bag, go back, take some things out and think again. Then, perhaps, add a few things back, take some others out, and rethink it yet again.

This is precisely why I start packing a week in advance. If I tried to pack the night before leaving, I would end up with a huge bag full of things I do not really need, and not everything I wanted in it after all.

This is all complicated by the fact that I am packing vacation clothes and business clothes for after the vacation. That means shoes too--so in addition to sneakers and vacation sandals, I get to pack my business pumps. All in one bag under 20kg. Go me. I suppose after another review or two of what goes and what stays it will be roughly adequate, and all will be well--but in the meantime, the bag is sitting on my rug, and staring at me accusingly. And all I can do is stare back.

Amazement

2007-07-13T14:24:00.000+01:00

I am incredibly impressed with Swedish government's (lack of) bureaurocracy.

This applies not only to today's experience, but my interaction with them in general--beginning with application for residency permit years ago, to applying for citizenship the other month (and I have it already), and extends to today's trip to order my passport.

The city passport bureau is located in a nice part of central Stockholm, near a pretty park (and right next to a subway station). There was no line, for all it's summer. The ticket runner gave me a number which was I think 2 people behind the one being serviced, there were about 6 booths open, and I waited for what must have been all of 2 minutes.

About 5 minutes and roughly 40 Euro later, I had my biometric data recorded, picture taken, signature scanned and told to come back and get the passport in a week from same place. No wait, no "what if it's not done by my booked travel time", no mess.

Having lived in and dealt with government and paper-issuing authorities in several countries, I am still in a pleasant shock about how nice the wheels of paperwork turn in Sweden.

Gee, I wish the country had work. I'd stay then.

On Caesar Salad and Otherwise

2007-07-12T18:13:00.000+01:00

I booked the tickets for my trip this morning, so the dates are set. I fly out of Stockholm on August 1st, and going to spend around a week in Vienna or thereabouts. On August 8th I will fly from Vienna to East Midlands, and will really dig my nose into job search.

I would really like to have something permanent in my career field asap, but on the other hand, I don't mind taking a temp job while I wait and interview. Spare cash to buy a few more business suits never hurt. As I mentioned before, the main thing I have lined up is not near where I'd prefer to live, so it's a bit of a question-mark at this point.

UK is such a strange country. They measure weight in stones, pebbles and gravel. And drive on the wrong (as opposed to right) side of the road. And have two taps for the sink. Sometimes I wonder if they are still living in the last century, but who am I to complain? They have the sort of jobs I would like. Sweden, right now, doesn't, really. And it's close enough.

Oh. And I had a Caesar Salad at Forno Romano today--the variety with chicken. And it was divine as all their food is, but I think I prefer it with prosciutto parma rather than chicken--at least not when the chicken is lightly grilled. I think I like mine a bit more charred in salad. It is good anyway, I am yet to try any of their food that wasn't.

Updates, Paperwork and More Travel

2007-07-12T00:30:00.000+01:00

Last week I have received my paperwork for Swedish citizenship (yay me!).

What this effectively means that I can live and work anywhere in the EU (including the thrice-bedamned non-Schengen-agreement UK). So I emailed my agent, and she called me back--looks like the company that interviewed me before I left UK are still interested, and will be setting up an interview in person soon after my planned arrival back in UK.

I am interested of course--it's a tricky situation. I really like the sort of job they are offering, an advisory position including writing presentations for industry clients and such, but I would have to find my own room to stay in, and can't just stay with Keith (which is nice and rather safely convenient). So in meantime, I am looking at other positions in closer proximity to Leicester. And as soon as I have the actual passport--need to go take photos for it and get the thing made--I will email the scanned in document to the other agencies, and let them start checking for me. See what they can come up with.

Considering the way flights are scheduled, and the fact that not every airline flies to every port at every time of year, and the fact that I hate Stansted airport (and it's far away from Leicester), I think my best bet would be to detour elsewhere in Europe (currently thinking Vienna), visit some friends, and then fly from there directly to East Midlands (which is nicer, smaller and closer to Leicester than Stansted).

Nothing is booked yet, so I will see once it is and I have the ticket confirmations in my hands. Then I can start packing. Minus any toiletries that (too-much-scifi-reading) airline security officials will consider dangerous. Like toothpaste and shampoo. Scary stuff!

More about terribly dangerous facial packs and hair conditioners later. This has been an update on the state of things for the moment.

Comfort Food

2007-04-05T19:44:00.000+01:00

Keith had a rotten day at work today. I could tell right away as I usually give him a call before lunch to see if anything needs doing, and when your friend half-growls at you by way of greeting, you know it's a bad day at work.

It was, however, a very nice day outside, so I grabbed myself and went out shopping for silly household things (toothpaste, diswashing liquid), and just to be out in the sun. And while in the shop, though I found nothing in particular that I figured would be good in terms of comfort food (bought Keith a small bag of fancy chocolate easter eggs that I won't eat myself--sugar bad!), I did come up with something to make for dinner that did the trick.

Comfort food is a much-unerestimated art. Like all cooking, I think, in our generation. Many people seem to watch fancy food shows or even buy fancy glossy-cover expensive cook books, but the books end up becoming tabletop decorations or grace nice shelves where they get little or no use. On the up side, I suppose, it means they also preserve their clean glossy state, the way cookbooks that are used for their purpose tend not to, being splattered with sauces, smeared with spice powders, and touched with greasy fingers while looking something up mid-mixing something else.

And, in the age of diet aids, low-fat food, low-sugar food, low-food-content-food, it is real comfort foods that seem to take a low blow as a phenomenon. Now, mind you, I am not about to complain about how other people eat. I myself am sugar sensitive and thus avoid most carbohydrates altogether--not something I advocate for anyone without actual metabolic sugar sensitivity. But when apparently healthy people who move enough and have a good metabolism start to nerouvsly count calories or look at me with scared eyes at the mention of--oh horrors!--butter or cream, I begin to think there is more than a bit wrong with the world.

And comfort food--be it the traditional or my avoid-carbs version is generally not low on calories and other things that cause people who consider themselves health-conscious to make scared eyes at you in a grocery store for buying.

So, I ended up digging in the fridge and coming up with an interesting assortment--a head of cauliflower, some fresh celery, garlic, aged farmhouse cheddar, double cream and a pack of pork and herb sausages (fresh ones). And one of the things I love best when I have had a crap day (and most people tend to, really--not sure why so) is bubbly oven-browned cheese. The cauliflower ended up parboiled and mixed with lightly fried celery and garlic, and grilled and chopped sausages. All that rolled in some cream, with sea salt and fresh-ground black pepper, dumped into a baking dish and covered with a layer of shredded cheddar--then baked in a fan oven at 225C till the cheese melted and bubbled and browned.

The last few minutes of the baking process, Keith spent squatted down by the oven, staring through the glass door and wimpering something along the lines of "are we there yet?". Which was a definite improvement over growling. And well, once it was cooked, it worked like a charm.

So, I can be terribly commercial and to use the ad campaign line, I can point to tonight's handiwork and proudly say: "Behold! The power of cheese!"

P.S. Yes, I am silly, but I am having a good day so I am entitled!

Revelation of the Day, Take II

2007-04-03T23:16:00.000+01:00

Priceless bit of IM conversation with a friend that made me gigglehysterically at a stupidly late hour of this evening. (Oh the little things of which having fun is made!)

[23:11] Nanakas: sorry parents asking questions, and just came in and fell over *nods*
[23:14] Lilith: parents happen
[23:15] Nanakas: Yup and it's a good thing they do otherwise thier children wouldn't
____________________

There is is, metaphysical revelation of the day #2. The first one, as you remember, was that I am an idiot.

Objects in Motion

2007-04-03T21:28:00.000+01:00

The revelation of today's morning done, I have booked a flight for April 18th to Stockholm. From what I understand, the application involves me filling out papers, signing them, and sending them along with my passport and some official papers I am getting ordered to an office in Norrköping via registered mail. From there it takes some time, but the Migrationsverket's official site encouragingly states that if the application has no problems and is complete, it is dealt with immediately.

I am not sure what their immediately means--when I received my permanent residency, it was handled on the spot, more or less. They looked papers over, and asked me for my passport to stamp with the permit. I doubt citizenship is handled like that, but I have hopes they will not take terribly long reviewing my application.

It is interesting how the world tends to throw you curveballs. Dodging those has become a full-time pastime for me, it seems, though I do have a hope that once I am back here and a job opportunity presents itself, life can return to some semblance of order. And I suppose I end up living up to my reputation as a vagabond, traveling back and forth all over the world.

Good thing it's such an interesting place, the world. Else I would surely be bored like a passenger in an isle seat of an airplane, deprived of the window view.

Revelation of the Day

2007-04-03T16:27:00.000+01:00

I am an utter idiot. Really.

I mean it. I am a dumbass of cosmic proportions, and I have come to realize that today. I now feel enlightened, like I have finally found Shangri-La... ok ok I will stop now.

I have lived for a few years under the impression that it takes 5 years of Swedish residency to become eligible to apply for citizenship. I have looked up something else today on the Migrationsverket site, and found that I was wrong, and in my case it is actually three, not five years. Making me eligible for it... you guessed it, yesterday. Or as close to it as nevermind.

So therefore it looks like I will pack myself a backpack, and head on to Stockholm to apply for my papers to be fixed up so that the anal UK authorities will stop trying to find flaws with my behind... err, paperwork status and I can finally get a job and help Niklas get out of his, and all that jazz. From what I understand it will take a few weeks at the very least, but well, it's a worthy goal. The way things look, I am most likely going to be flying back to Stockholm in approximately two weeks, and then it's all in the hands of Swedish authorities, who are, generally speaking, typically very helpful and accomodating.

So, may the gods of Asgard bless their viking descendants with wisdom and good manners for which they were not known throughout history, but are now, and hope they continue to be so.

Back to Writing Projects

2007-04-02T12:39:00.000+01:00

While engaged in the productive and fulfilling activity that is job search, one has a lot of free time that could be filled with stressing about the said activity, biting nails or other things.

I prefer other things. Really.

So I have dug up my more-or-less recent writing project and began writing it again. A friend of mine who works with that sort of things says it is good enough to be published if I should finish the darn thing (that'll take a while!), but in meantime I am getting it written and seeing what happens. And well, it is not as if my time is terribly demanded by anything else. I figure if I can write a thousand or so words a day, I might even get somewhere within the near future. And while a thousand words of jabber seems like very little, a thousand words that convey meaning in a story and do so beautifully enough to suit me can be a pain in the head--to edit if not to write.

So my time is currently filled with coffee, eating right to get my health back on track, and creative writing. Nothing much to complain about. Except lack of job in meantime.

To which (writing) I should be getting back to.

Selling Myself (Get your minds out of the gutter!)

2007-03-29T15:05:00.000+01:00

And yes, that is precisely how I feel after speaking to about five job agencies that deal with prospective employers in my field. I am a pretty direct and self-confident person but even I feel a bit silly talking about how wonderful, educated and experienced-in-the-field I am after a while.

I have spoken to the Swedish embassy today. If you can call it speaking--the operator told me I need to talk to the passport division with my questions, and they (amazing!) have phone hours 14-15 two times a week! That's like... two whole hours a week! And--this week they are closed! I am truly impressed with the accessibility of government organizations as usual (and going to email them, as they answer those at all hours and days apparently--let's hope that is so).

I did, on the other hand, have a rather positive conversation with the administrator of one of the agencies--after speaking to me, he said that even though the agency generally does not deal with people who technically need a visa to work in the UK, considering my education and work experience, it is in their interest to try to sell me to prospective employers anyhow. So I have looked over my resume, written a nice cover letter, and sent it all off. I guess it makes me feel hopeful if nothing else, that my qualifications are impressive. Now, if only the prospective employers would just recognize my wonderfulness and hire me, I will be truly happy.

But, the day is going rather well considering the sort of week I have had, so I cannot in all honesty complain.

Bureaurocracy

2007-03-26T16:30:00.000+01:00

After much talking, phone calls and such it was cleared up that Swedish and UK authorities do not always agree, and that the Home Office insist on treating me as an American national. Peachy. Meaning, in simple terms, that they want me to have a permanent job before they'll restamp my passport with a work visa.

Pain in the head and all that. So, off I go for more job search, while friends and relatives are looking up various options.

However, as it is often so with bad things happening, there was a good thing that did come out of it all--in search of information about work regulations, I stumbled into several professional companies that recruit for my field of expertise. Which, considering that I have been stumbling around in the dark and poking blind walls so far, is a very good thing. I have updated my resume and sent it out to a few companies to look at, so we will see what comes of that (hopefully something good, of course).

At this point I would like to stop and make a note of the fact that considering how much traveling I have done in my life, I am really beginning to hate the country-governmental bureaurocracies, and travel and work restrictions that plague even the civilized world these days. It is sad and terribly uncomfortable, not to mention annoying and counterproductive. I would suspect even to countries themselves in terms of good taxpayers, but mostly to the people whose lives and attempts to sort those into semblance of order all this gets in the way of. Like, selfishly, myself.

So, while that is in process, I am still unemployed and annoyed on top of that. I suppose time to go back and poke at my thesis further, since I have time on my hands and no particular other thing to apply it to at the moment.

P.S. Need coffee.

Drying Hair

2007-03-23T10:03:00.000Z

... before heading out to fill out job paperwork at the agency this noon.

To be honest I feel like an utter wreck, both related and unrelated to the job prospect--of course I am nervous, as I haven't had a job in a while, on other hand it's an idiot job so it is not as if I wouldn't be able to handle it. It is a step forward to fixing all sorts of crap. For all it is a temporary contract, it is a known fact that it is easier to look for work when you are already working, and as it's at a university, so much the better. If nothing else, it's a good thing to put on my CV for further job search. It is, in all ways, a good thing. I suppose it is the fact that I am strung out otherwise that gives me no rest.

Entirely unrelated to the job, there are things that are causing me to want to bang my head on nearest wall repeatedly as a de-stressing exercise and I think I am driving Keith nuts with it. When he invited me over, I do not think he meant to be my therapist and nursemaid as well as host.

But, procrastinating time runs short, the hair is nearly dry and I should really go get dressed.

After Cleanup...

2007-03-22T19:19:00.000Z

The profile cleaned up and writing sorted out, I decided to come back to this blog for my personal things, and leave the other one more or less exclusively for silly writing.

Where am I? The blog lost a year and it feels a bit forlorn, and a lot of things that are within my life, are also missing from it now--apparent continuity of something had disappeared in the passing of time. Things worked out so that I have moved to the UK in search of a job, thesis is still being worked on (slowly), and I am trying to sort ouf my life again, including getting my health in order.

I have been here since end of January, staying at a friend's home and looking for a job--temporary or otherwise--and drinking entirely too much coffee. This morning, the week of my birthday, I finally did get a call for a job--temporary for now, typing up some scientific data for the local university. It's not great but it's money while I keep searching for real employment, and it won't make me keel over or hate myself and the world (fingers crossed, of course). Surely beats not having a job, which has been eating at me for over a year, a sort of a strange and a bit belated birthday present from the largely indifferent world. I take it gratefully anyhow--it never hurts to feel gratitude to fate for the many things it gives us that are good.

The place where I stay is near the center of the city--a quiet, sleepy neighborhood near a river I of the name of which I am not entirely sure. Funnily enough, my friend who lives here did not immediately remember the name of the river either--the Soar, after looking it up, a minor mystery solved. The city looks much like any other medium-sized English city I have seen so far (not that I have seen that many), which is--a bit industrial, a bit rustic, and quite noticeably British--the language in the signs and such in a decidedly European setting does not leave much doubt for what kind of place it is, and the pubs and typically-british sorts of things the signs speak about, even more so.

Having moved to UK, I also discovered that a friend I had thought to look up if I ever came here, and lost contact with for a while, had moved to Prague in meantime. Shame for me, as I looked forward to visiting him, but perhaps I will have to go visit him and other friends in Prague after all one day. Incidentally, my other friends in Prague also work in design (as does he), and so I keep wondering whether they know each other over there. If not, perhaps it ought to be remedied.

So many things to think about, so many things to say. It feels strange picking up a journal after leaving it aside for such a long time. What to say, what matters, what doesn't anymore? Since this was always written for myself more than any others, what matters to me now that I should mention? Thoughts teeming in my head, but I come up strangely empty trying to pinpoint what matters more than other among the things spoken about in the public eye.

I have read a new book today: philosophy, but very beautiful reading, not at all stuffy or constipated as such writings can and often do get--perhaps I will write some about it as well, but not tonight. It bears more reading and thinking about before a review in any case.

Oh and... Brits are insane. They put milk in their tea. It's revolting.

Return and Updates

2007-03-22T16:19:00.000Z

In light of Google getting hold of Blogger and me combining my old and new Blogger accounts, this old journal floated up from the depths of the internet--I was not even sure if it still existed, to be honest, but somehow I am glad it is still up.

The account got merged with the new nickname, and it looks like the posts on this blog got updated with it, which doesn't bother me too terribly much in itself. My other blog is a bit of a side-fun writing project, while this one is a personal journal. However, the other has become a bit of that too, and I am not sure how to arrange the two now. Perhaps I will just leave this one be--or link this blog on the other one for those interested in reading my personal ramblings.

Life goes on, I ended up in UK in meantime, it's a long story. Life's a work in progress, and it isn't always poetry in motion. We stumble clumsily around trying to make things work out in the end, and all we can hope for is that the gods, if they exist, help those who help themselves.

That was the token wisdom for the day. Now, to decide what to do with the blog.

Online Boredom

2005-03-25T07:45:00.000Z

I have not thought that I would say it--not 'never', but really, not anytime in the near future, but... today I realized why I have not been online that much lately. It is because certain things that used to be entertaining and intellectually stimulating have become boring, or worse, tend to seem shallow.

This is not an announcement of my departure from the net presence, not by a long shot--I like the blog, I like being able to talk to my friends overseas for free, and I like reading news and friends' blogs as well. None of that has changed, and none of that disappoints me in the very least. What has changed is either myself, or the forums which I used to frequent.

It was not an overnight change, and try as I do, I can't figure out whether it is I who changed, or the forums, or (most likely of choices) both. Day by day there are fewer discussion threads I care to reply to, and fewer things yet that I would bother to post myself. I suspect partially that I have become far more judgemental than I was a couple of years ago, and the antics of people whom I used to have moderate respect for, no longer amuse me, but instead, irritate. It feels from my point of view as if the forum communities have grown shallow, but that is also not entirely true--there are still great threads and ideas being posted by some people, and perhaps seeing everyone else ignore these threads for the most part is what deters me from posting more of my own writing--I do not like seeing cheap "poking" threads of brainless one-liners float, and fill up the board, and I do not want my postings to turn into that sort of thing.

This is not a complaint. I am not whining--I am merely stating the situation as I see it at the moment. I used to enjoy online forums, I really did, and it saddens me that I no longer do, but short of starting my own website and forum (former will happen, latter is not too likely), I don't see what I can do about it (though having a blog is rather satisfying at the moment, since I can talk to myself for extended periods of time and enjoy it). Well, that and learn more Swedish so that I can start participating in my friend Grizzly's other project. Which is darn well going to happen.

*evil giggle*

And now that I mentioned this project, he'll probably have to write about it, too. Mwahahaha!

Anti-Piracy Agency Got What It Deserved

2005-03-24T08:54:00.000Z

I woke up this morning and read a rather hilarious article at The Local about an American-style anti-piracy office that tried to pull the same corporate-paid vigilante crap in Sweden.

The gist of the article can be summed in Niklas' words when he heard me mention it (he'd read the headline the day before but forgot to tell me): "I have said time and time again, they can't do this shit here!" And indeed, I am rather gratified to see that the greedy media-company-financed thugs can't get away with enforcing the almighty dollar's will at any cost--at least not in Sweden, not now.

Sweden's anti-piracy organisation, Antipiratbyrå (APB), established to combat the illegal downloading of copyright-protected films and games, has been accused of illegally downloading copyright-protected films and games - in an attempt to plant evidence against internet service provider Bahnhof.
...

As Expressen pointed out, if APB were found to have planted evidence then individuals there would be facing charges of incitement to commit a crime and of being an accessory to that crime.

That would be another blow to the APB which, since its triumphant international press release announcing the raid on Bahnhof, has found itself the subject of investigations by the Swedish Data Inspection Board and the National Post and Telecom Agency.

The organisation is accused of breaking personal data laws by checking and registering "IP addresses", unique identifiers for every computer on the internet, as well as laws governing electronic communication.

Such undercover work, incitement of crime, planted evidence, and following raids are, from what I understand, common modus operandi for agencies of this type operating in USA and elsewhere worldwide. What I am surprised at, is the fact that people involved in this distasteful enterprise, who were also local, were not aware of the local laws they were breaking while attempting to function as an anti-piracy office. It is either that, or they brazenly thought that they could get away with it, which would be supremely and utterly idiotic--of course, considering Swedish laws in question, the entire enterprise was that, so I should not be surprised.

Again, as often when the stupidity and blindness of people surprises me for yet another, umpteenth time every day, I can refer to a wise thing Niklas tends to say to my wide-eyed disbelief when faced with human stupidity: "Remember sweetie, people don't think..."

And then things usually start to make more sense.

Hmm, it has been a month

2005-03-23T13:02:00.000Z

Wow. I just realized that my laptop has been getting dusty on the table unused save for banking and other minor things, and that I have not been online much at all since around my brother's birthday, just over a month ago.

Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, mind you. I generally spend waaaay too much time online, doing silly things like reading/writing on forums, etc. The fact that I have not does not sadden me a whole lot.

In the news, I have finished my first Swedish course and passed it, and next week I am starting a more advanced Swedish course in a smaller group, which is great. The first course helped significantly, and I have high hopes for this one, which is both, longer and more intensive.

This Sunday we have another cat show. We thought it was Saturday, but that was a misunderstanding, which in this case turned out to be a good thing, as we have a family get-together is planned for Saturday that we will, after all, be able to attend. As far as cat show, we need to make sure that our stud looks extra good this time (so brushing and blow-drying after bath for him), as we have two potential people interested in him for mating that will come to look at him during the show.

I had a birthday party last Sunday, a rather small affair that turned out to be bigger than we planned--out of 6 people who planned to come, 9 showed up. Good thing we had a large piece of meat and a big cake, and we managed to scramble more potatoes on short notice, but no one went hungry and everyone had fun. Particularly me--quite aside from being plastered (heck, it only takes a couple of glasses of wine!). :)

Quite unsurprisingly, I have received three potted plants for presents--I guess by now everyone knows how much I love green growing things. One is just a pot of lilies in bud (I think tigerlilies, but we'll know soon enough), one is yet another Paphiopedilum orchid with one flower open and some buds, and one is a wandering jew (creeper) plant in a gorgeous cream-pink-purple variegated pattern with deep green stripes across the front of the leaves. The Paph is in a glossy green cashepot, and the creeper is in a cream-colored one. They sit on the kitchen table and make me rather happy.

I got some other rather neat stuff as well, most notably a really nice strand necklace of grey-green paua shell bits, and a hand-painted porcelain coffee set (thank you relatives!). Not going to make this a catalog of "what I got for birthday" though, as it might be interesting to no one but myself.

Looks like we'll have at least two sets of guests from overseas this coming summer--yay for friends and yay for dad, it should be a lot of great fun! I must make sure we exchange the partially broken sofa for a whole one at IKEA before anyone has to sleep on the thing, though, hehehehe. Now if only I could get my brother to drag his ass over here and visit as well... :)

Anyway, for all of those who wondered where I'd gone, this is what I have been up to, and I promise to get back and write on a more regular basis now. For those who don't care, I really hope you aren't wasting your time reading all this.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

2005-02-18T17:50:00.000Z

To my brother. :)

Hope you have a great steakday (in lieu of cake)--CHEERS!

SATA HD and Other Animals

2005-02-18T17:48:00.000Z

Well, our second brand new SATA hard drive has failed, also in less than a month. After talking to some other geek friends, we have discovered that another friend just had two SATA drives fail, but his failed in less than a week each (so I guess we had the better quality ones at that). As we have contemplated upon that, we decided to go back to IDE hard drives until the new standard is actually working as opposed to dying right away and taking data with it.

As you can guess, I am currently rather annoyed at the SATA HDs in particular and computers in general. That, and my lower back is bothering me, which does not improve my countenance... but enough grouching.

In other news, things are well. I like my Swedish professor and studies are going on. I also have a lead on a possible food chemistry job next fall, by which time I hope to have decent Swedish. :) There is about half a meter of snow outside (close to a meter in some drifts), and it is not looking as if it is planning to melt anytime soon. However, the days have gotten longer and lighter (it's amazing what a big difference it is in these latitudes!), and it is very pretty outside with all the world covered in a deep white blanket.

I plan to make winter squash soup tonight, and possibly some burekas with minced lamb, spinach and spices, too. It seems a good weather for this sort of cooking. I was pleasantly suprised to find that Swedish grocers import the mediterranean-type squash starting in the fall and into the winter (don't know about Spring yet). They sell it here in hacked-up pieces, as unlike American food winter squashes, these are rather large, but the quality of the flesh is great--deep orange and sweet, with relatively smooth texture after baking.

I have considered making squash ravioli today, but unless I can borrow a pasta machine, I am not going to do it, as it is a lot of fuss to try to roll out pasta sheets by hand, and they never come out even enough. Besides, winter squash or pumpkin pasta turns out a lot better with some sage, and I don't have any on hand right now.

Farking Goddammit!!!

2005-02-04T12:13:00.000Z

I am an idiot. I have confused class start with class end time for today's class. I am now late. And I did so want to go to the class, too!!!

Fuck, fuck fuckity-fucking fuck!

Going to pull up class information from the net and practice pronounciation with me, myself and I (and later bf when he gets home from work). Which is nice because I won't have to venture into the cold February, but sucks because I would have liked to have dragged myself out to the class, and had planned to!

Bleh.

I think I will also try to cook a nice dinner to make myself feel better about my idiocy. But a bit later, when I am a little less pissed off at myself.

Here, Bugs, I Got You A New Friend!

2005-02-03T20:50:00.000Z

Last Sunday we were shopping at ICA Maxi, which is the Stockholm version of the super-sized supermarket that has everything from food to car tires in it. The place is more food-oriented than anything (they stock excellent New Zealand lamb and stuff like moose filets, and fresh seafood to die for), but I also really like their potted plant department, as it is large, and they generally have absolutely gorgeous orchids, and a great variety of the typical potted plants, as well as some exotics.

As we walked into the store, I went over to look at the flowers as usual (the store management treacherously put them near the entrance, where people not yet tired by hours of shopping will be tempted to browse over them and buy, buy, BUY!), and saw a whole display tray full of little pots of--imagine my delight!--various carnivorous plants, ranging from temperate to tropical: Cobra Lilies, Pitcher Plants, Venus' Flytrap, and a variety of others. My boyfriend came to see what the excited squeaking and oohing and aaahing was about, and instantly wanted one himself, so we ended up buying a pot of Venus Flytrap. I also liked the Pitcher Plants, but the ones on display were not as healthy-looking as the Flytrap, and besides, the VF looks great (and unmistakably carnivorous) with its toothy traps on leaf-tips, as well.

So, Sunday night we brought the little critter home and found it a place. Being a swamp plant, it likes humidity and light, so the computer desk was not the optimal choice, but it does have some fungus gnats around it due to orchids growing on the shelves (the buggers love the orchid potting medium), so it ended up being the best of all worlds for a little carnivore that we could furnish. Besides, we run a humidifier nearly 24/7 in the room, so that even though it is near the computers, the humidity should not be too low for it (and I spoil it further by spraying it when I pass by it a few times a day).

For most of this week, the plant sat on the desk, looking slightly store-shocked (low humidity, bad light, etc.) and hungry. A day or two ago I noticed the traps taking on a pinker hue than they had in the store, and opening up--looking more and more like pale pink maws (well, they are that!). But, for a while, the traps stayed open and still empty, and I had began to worry a little--and then, this morning when we woke up and checked on it, there was one trap shut! Something, something little and crawley or flying found its death in the night, and there was much rejoycing--not only from us (one less annoying gnat), but also on behalf of the long-fasting plant.

To add to our joy, this afternoon I noticed that not only are the leaves growing in size, but there is a plant spike forming on the side of the rosette. I guess it's good our little meat-eater has caught something, it'll need the energy to grow that spike.

So, here, here buggies--I got you a new friend! *evil grin*

Living in Europe :: Part II, The New Country

2005-02-02T07:13:00.000Z

...Or should that be 'continent'?

Truth is, the geographic location of the country to which you move does matter a lot, because if one moves to a country near the country one has left, chances are that a lot of the social and bureaucratic arrangements will be similar to the ones left behind in the previous country. There are exceptions of course (no one will compare Syria and Israel in terms of government, for example, for all they are neighbours), but for the most part, Dutch can figure out Germany, and Swedish would have no problems with Finns or Norwegians, while Americans feel quite comfortable in Canada and vise versa.

It's 7am and I am awake...

2005-02-02T05:58:00.000Z

...which, considering the fact that today is the day I could sleep in, is suboptimal. But, I could not sleep, so instead of tossing and turning and bothering Niklas (who needs his sleep), I crawled out of bed and to the computer. At least this way my pastime is no louder than the tapping of keyboard and the occasional clunk of coffee cup on the table.

On the up side, it is not too late on the other side of the Atlantic, and I can sit and yap with my brother over the net while we both try to wake up/stay awake in our ways. He seems to have sworn off caffeine for the sake of health, at least in large quantities, so having some jasmine green tea, and I am cheating and drinking some instant (though decent for being instant) coffee.

The downside of it being this early in Swedish winter is the lack of light from the window. At 7am it's not entirely pitch dark, there is some lightening of the sky, and with the snow on the ground, one can see about quite well--but not nearly enough light to see by is coming through the curtains, and I can't pull out my notebook and type up my daily blag recorded yesterday at the university. But no matter, no one will die if I type it up later today, either.

I just heard from my bro that it might be possible for me to get a US-based phone number using voice over IP. If nothing else, it's worth checking into--I do not truly need it now, but once I am done with my Ph.D. I might want to work in USA again, and it would be very useful having a US phone number to put on my resume sent to US (a lot of offices aren't that keen on having to call abroad). That is for a distant future, however. I need to get my Magister done and INTO a Ph.D. program first!

Speaking of which, I will probably sit down and work on my C-essay more today so that I can let the professors look over it (and hopefully approve it) soon. So far I had two excellent and one good grades in the three classes I took last semester, so I am in good spirits about my prospects. I also came up with another thesis idea for my Ph.D. one of those not-sleepy-enough nights, so must remember to write it down (no, of course not posting stuff like that on the internet, I am not insane yet).

Hm. I think maybe I should write a rant about plagiarism and the net, or at least draft one. I have seen some instances recently and it wasn't pretty.

Busy Weekend

2005-02-01T10:07:00.000Z

It seems I never came back to writing more Friday, or the three days after it, simply because I have had a busy weekend, and the week is looking no different at this point.

I am starting my Swedish classes today, looks pretty basic, but that is what I need, because though my vocabulary and general understanding aren't bad from just picking up stuff, I lack language structure and grammar, as well as 'usage' phrases that are commonly used on a daily basis.

This semester is looking to be nice, and there are handouts for this course, so there are no textbooks to buy (whee!), at least for the first segment. I hope that is true for later classes as well, but I doubt it, as I remember people talking about books later in fall semester. Well, even one segment without buying books is nice, so I am not complaining. Moreover, looks like my schedule will fit Niklas' work schedule more, so we can have more time together--always a plus. :)

Going to wake bf up now, and feed him breakfast. Write more later, after class and depending on amounts of homework.

Headed Out

2005-01-28T10:26:00.000Z

OK, it's Friday morning, and I am awake and up in the bright winter sunlight. Going to go to campus and get myself registered for that class, dammit, or... or something.

Anyway, going to be back some hours later today to write more and hopefully something enlightening about something or other that pissed me off (I can always find a thing to rant about, and it IS that time of month!).

So--I am headed out.

House cough Email Cleaning

2005-01-27T22:05:00.000Z

Today I finally got around to deactivating the email accounts in the old copy of MS Outlook that has been alive on this computer mainly due to its function as backup for my Sony PDA (which is old and does not like to interface with Mozilla Thunderbird). A sad fact that, since I have forsaken Outlook for email purposes since discovering T-bird--but one cannot argue with the elderly, and so the Outlook address DB was kept for the sake of Clie.

Problem is, when I moved my email functions to Thunderbird, I had forgotten to deactivate all email receiving on all Outlook accounts, so it kept getting mail (along with not-filtered junk, lacking as it does a decent junk mail filter). Which was less of a problem for me, as I was checking my mail via T-bird on a regular basis, but more for my bf, who forgot to set up one of his accounts on the new computer, so all the mail from that account ended up in Outlook next time it was activated for the sake of the PDA. Where it did not get read for weeks. Which is, living as we do in the information age, a Bad Thing™.

Anyway, today, after having to sort through about 20 important (and some unfortunately outdated) mails in his box, I deactivated all the accounts in Outlook so that they shall not receive mail anymore, and so that the mail will end up where it should, and get read and dealt with. I feel better about that now.

I now feel better about social obligations that we finally gave people answers about, and some other things like invitations which needed to be made are out now. And tomorrow I am going to finally register for this semesters' courses--I did not manage to go Wednesday due to a migraine. I hate to have things undone and out of sorts, and getting them back in order is a definite relief. I also got the house into a semblance of order and relatively clean, vacuuming and all (hallways could use a wet cleaning, but not urgently so, will do that over weekend). Now we need a big shopping trip or three to set freezer to rights (it misses meat sorely), and also need to schedule a laundry time--I am not running out of underwear, the wash will be mostly for bed linens and towels, but important nevertheless. There are still things to be done, but at least I have started on dealing with crap, and got the communications sorted out.

OK. Now I want to have a snack and go to bed. Tomorrow is a big day and I want to get at least some rest before venturing out into the snowy, frozen, big world that is January in Sweden.

Right--How WOULD I Know?

2005-01-25T00:46:00.000Z

Don't you love self-righteous know-it-all people who are, to top it, also stupid? Right, I know, I adore them too--and the net is such a wonderful place for having tons of them in it!

One delightful gem that seems to be rather common--I have run into this variety a few times by now and each one is just as self-deluded and self-important as the next--is the (often-thrice) married female who has no other value or meaning to her life than her children and her marriage(s) of which she is inordinately proud, and refers to incessantly, often at great length.

What irritates me is the fact that they, one and all, when backed into a corner, resort to the argument ad nuptiae, to the extent of how I, unmarried female, can never know the mysteries of why and how people get married and stay or do not stay married, and how it is to have and/or raise children since I have not had any. Aside from the fact that the actual argument is idiotic in itself, most of them assume (and hence make an ass out of u and me) that I must be an old spincter somewhere who does not know a thing about relationships. Right--I agree, there must be a world of difference between living with a serious sambo (local term for serious live-in boyfriend--a legal standing in Sweden akin to marriage) for whom I moved to another continent, and living with a man after a priest or a judge proclaimed that this (random) man and I are now man and wife in the eyes of God, yadda yadda blah blah.

Spare me the shit.

If marriage is about love and lifelong committment, then surely after being with a guy for about three years, moving across the Atlantic for him, and living with him in a household with shared finances and shared everything for a year now, I know what that is more than a lot of 'married' people who got hitched after dating their classmate for a few weeks.

But--and this is a very important but!--if marriage is about that sacred bond that is created between man and woman because some child-molesting priest or possibly corrupt government official said so, then I capitulate. I know absolutely nothing about this sort of relationship.

And you know what else? I have absolutely no immediate desire to know that sort of marriage. One day him and I plan to be married and have a huge feast at the family island home, and invite friends and relatives and make merry all night long. We do plan to do it when we can afford it, but for now I am too busy living with a man and being happy to bother getting married just so I can say that I have a husband like it's a status statement.

The School :: Spring Semester, And Plans

2005-01-24T05:01:00.000Z

So here we are, and the Spring semester is about to begin. I have emailed my professors about classes and hopefully going to go and register for all that I want this week.

Courses I would like this semester are instruction in Swedish language, and then two courses in Social Anthropology to round off my education in the subject towards the Magister degree. It looks like the Anthropology courses I want are around mid- to late spring, and the Swedish courses begin next month, so I should be in time to register for everything I like (hopefully the classes aren't too terribly full, but I doubt they are).

I should also polish up my paper for this semester and finally let the professors look at it and hopefully approve it.

My bf and I should also contact Migrationsverket, as my permit is up for renewal in a month, and we still have not heard back from them. I do not doubt there will be no problem, but we should get the paperwork started, and without them contacting us, I have no idea how to go about it. Will bug Niklas to call them and see what they have to say.

The good news is that once my permit is renewed, I should start getting student pay for my university courses, and that will give me some income without extra effort. In addition to that, I am going to start looking for a job (at least part-time) for next year or even the summer. Hopefully I can get something like teaching languages (as I know a couple other than English and Swedish), or interpreting--either one of which can be done well part-time, and I would like to do either one.

Things are looking up, as most of the family computers that were not working are finally in working order and seem to be staying that way, so hopefully we will not have to fix them all yet again anytime soon. Gods willing, we'll have no more accidents, and I am finally getting over this flu, so hopefully we'll have a lot more time for ourselves and fun now, and less time spent dealing with various problems and unpleasantries. Selfishly, we feel that we had, if not more, then definitely our fair share of those in the past two or three months, and a respite would be great. Really.

Speaking of respite, I should find time to visit Anneli as she has invited me over many times, and also Cat (not sure I have mentioned her before, but she is also a friend of ours whom we met via Anneli), and do the rest of my social maintenance for the month or so--I have been ill but that is no reason to have neglected everyone and anyone in the age of telecommunications.

With this, I leave you for today. Hope you had a good weekend--mine started kind of blah, but ended up with some of life's maintenance work done, and a feeling of accomplishment. And that is always a good thing.

Meme--Since They Are So Much Fun :)

2005-01-22T19:58:00.000Z

Saw this Meme on Asherah's site, and decided to try this thing out because I have only done these once or twice before, and never on my own blog. So, here goes--

CD I have in my car that I roll up the windows to listen to:

Since after moving to Sweden I no longer have a car, none. But before I moved to Sweden and I had a car, none either. I figure that as long as I don't use those horrible custom speakers that make my car rattle and other people on the road pull over, I can listen to whatever the hell I like to. Besides, I have a good taste in music, if (Ian Andersen and) I do say so myself.

Book I read flat so no one could see the title:

Some of the Honor Harrington novels by David Weber, but it wasn't to cover the title--it was so that no one would see the incredibly cheap and crappy graphics that he had the divine wisdom to commission for all of his new books. Who'd have thought that a fun writer would have such god-awful taste in book covers???!!!

Crappiest song ever sung at karaoke:

I never sang karaoke, but at home I love singing along with that drunk Russian students' rendition of Celine Dion's Titanic song, accordeon and my best faked Russian accent and all.

Bad movie I watch repeatedly:

Hm. Don't think I have one.

Article of clothing I love though I know it’s wrong:

My calf-length yoga pants. They would be cool if they weren't made of this "&!$€@ fabric that gathers ALL the fuzz and shit from all over the world and then holds onto it all through washes and dryers. At this point I wear more cat fur than pants (it looks terrible), but they are oh-so-comfortable so I don't care as I only wear them around the house. I need to buy a farking clothes shaver one day!

What I order at the bar when no one is listening:

I don't go to bars alone, and while I like margaritas and blow job shots, I adore pina coladas with little umbrellas and stuff, too. I don't have the slightest problem ordering whatever the heck I feel like, though, regardless of who is listening.

Fast food item I adore:

Pizza.

A TV show that is a good example of the downfall of civilization that I love anyway:

Don't really have one that I can think of. I don't have a TV, you see, so I only watch those shows I bother to download, and I download very few and mostly the better scifi variety. I am considering downloading some food network shows too (have missed them here), but I doubt Ina Garten or Emeril or Rachel Ray are examples of the downfall of civilization--rather the opposite.

Makes You All Warm and Fuzzy...

2005-01-20T04:31:00.000Z

... don't it?

My brother (who happens to live in Kirkland, WA) just emailed me with a link to this story.

KIRKLAND, Wash. -- The FBI's Joint Terrorism Task Force has arrested a Kirkland man on a charge of possessing ricin, a deadly poison that has been the subject of several scares since the 9-11 terror attacks.
...
Ricin can be fatal if ingested, inhaled or injected. There is no antidote.
...
His family released e-mails he'd sent them saying "It's now exciting working with poisons. Perhaps I'll find a way to end all life on earth" and "I now have found a way to poison the water supplies as I continue my poison testing."

Reading something like that makes me sit down and wonder about all the sick fucks out there. The guy in question is supposed to be autistic, but if he is well enough to write email, I would say it is not an incapacitating case, as if it was, he'd not be allowed out of eyesight in some institution. As it is, I would say he needs to be locked up somewhere, for everyone else's safety if not only his own.

I can imagine he is not doing it because of some great cause, or because someone has offended him, as what I can figure from the couple of phrases in the paper, his thinking is rather general. It is just this sort of wanton destructiveness of masses of people (poisoning the water supply with ricin would accomplish a lot rather nasty and unavoidable deaths) and the utter lack of concern for random people's lives around that reminds me of how much shit humans can really be.

The fact that this arrest probably narrowly saved the life of my brother among countless others does not help my egocentric self to be any calmer.

P.S. An academic aside--I doubt he could figure out how to eradicate all life on earth with just ricin. It generally does not affect plants, and I am not sure (without more research) whether it'll even affect animals other than birds and mammals.

Baking Wisdom

2005-01-20T03:00:00.000Z

I made brownies today. But perhaps I should start from the beginning.

I wanted brownies and so I pulled out my favorite baking book, jotted down the ingredients and called Nemy so he would pick them up on the way home. And so he did. And so I mixed the first batch and started heating it as per instructions (though it seemed a little bogus to me as sugar melted with chocolate won't stay liquid if cooled at all, and because I usually heat chocolate on waterbath, but this specified a pan on a burner), I saw that something was really wrong with the recipe. What was supposed to have melted into a smooth melted-chocolate liquid, instead became granular and rough and quite quite solid, even as more heat was applied. It rapidly got worse--to the point that when I took it off the (mild) heat, I had to apply a knife as a chisel to get some of it out of the pan (which is now soaking in my sink).

That having been determined to be quite bogus (and I triple-checked amounts and directions in the book), I have pulled The Barefoot Contessa cookbook off my shelf and looked up their brownie recipe. As I expected, it involved no melting sugar (but rather dissolving it in eggs, which makes perfect sense), and a waterbath for chocolate. It also involved some ingredients that I did not have, and so I had to compromise and improvise a bit with the things I had to finish off the batter.

In the end, the brownies turned out really nice-looking, and tasted quite ok, though they were a bit dry and fluffy, instead of the sticky gooeyiness I prefer. However, that is a lesson learned, and so I asked my friend (aka the cookiemistress) for her recipe for next time.

Moral of the story: If some ingredients or directions in a recipe seem bogus, and against simple chemistry, physics or common sense, trust your common sense and not the recipe, however favorite and trusted the rest of that book happens to be.

Sleeping Away

2005-01-20T02:48:00.000Z

I hate being sick, have I mentioned that before?

Well, I do, and it isn't just because I end up sleeping for 18 hours a day, but rather because despite sleeping those 18 hours a day, I end up fatigued and miserable the remaining six, and feel like I get nothing done at all. Incidentally that happens to be quite true, as I get tired just washing a sinkful of dishes, left alone doing the sort of cleaning and errand-running that I would really like to do to get the apartment and other things in order. And I'd like to exercise some but instead I feel tired just dragging myself to the bathtub.

Perhaps I should try some yoga. At least that way if I feel tired, I won't be flat on my ass a kilometer away from the bed walkng up the slope of the forested hill behind our house. Actually, now that I think about it, I should plan to do that, and stretches--some light activity will do me good. And maybe then I can even muster up the strength to do the laundry! What a glorious achievement that will be!

So yes, I hate being sick. I feel like shit is falling into disarray, and I don't feel that I do my share of housework well enough for Nemy to get his rest after he comes back home from work, and it all annoys me. And I really can't speed this part of getting better up any, as all I need at this point is to recover.

Oh well, enough whining. Tomorrow morning it will be yoga, bath, then clean-up around the house with some vacuuming, because I just remembered that Anneli is going to drop by with a friend of ours in the evening and I should at least have some tea with them. Good thing I made brownies today, actually.

Religion :: Part I, Fucking Arrogant Assholes

2005-01-16T04:06:00.000Z

The thoughts I am going to write down here are not new at all, in fact I have had this sort of opinion for quite a few years. Living in USA, it is hard to avoid learning to dislike Christians. Really.

The reason I have thought of Christianity and organized, proselytizing religions in general today was because I was sick in bed and grabbed the thickest book on the nearest bookshelf to read, which happened to be The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer-Bradley. It happened so that while reading it, I realized that the author managed rather well to sum up part of the reason why I detest Christianity so--it is not that I do not believe in God as Christians do, it is that Christians in their arrogance do not accept the possibility that others may worship the same divine entity in other forms. Anyone not believing in their verion of divine is a heathen and a pagan and thus a witch, and one must not suffer a witch to live, it's written in the Bible after all, yadda yadda blah blah let's have a burning!

I won't go into the whole story of the Crusades and how many people they murdered, how many women and children they raped, and how many towns they pillaged in the names of their God and the Holy Church--though to be perfectly honest I am disgusted with the way the contemporary leadership of religion denies any responsibility for what was done by their predecessors and absolves itself of any guilt.

I won't go into details of how I detest the fact that Christianity smothered and killed many indiginous cultures and faiths around the world that had as much right to exist and worship as they wanted, but instead were often forced or scared into converting and denying their old ways, and thus losing part of their history and heritage forever to be replaced by a plastic statue of Mary and Baby Jesus.

I won't even start on Catholics and their love of the little boys as the love of women is forbidden to them (but molesting little kids is ok, right?--as long as they are scared enough that they won't tell, that is).

No, my annoyance with the Christian religion and especially its US incarnations is far more recent and far more personal than that--I have had to live with their preaching, body taboos, and morals for nearly 10 years, and I am sick and tired of the meddlesome fucks trying to legislate their religious views into law in a country that is supposed to have freedom of religion, and to legislate their morals into my bedroom and my life because they are so fucking sure that they are right and know better what is for my own good and the good of the entire world.

The sheer arrogance of it simply boggles my mind.

To conclude, all I can say is summed up in that genius of a phrase I have seen on a bumper sticker--the one that says:

JESUS, SAVE ME FROM YOUR FOLLOWERS!

Helping Shit Happen?

2005-01-14T02:22:00.000Z

I was reading a thread on a forum today about the death of a woman in a fire in the Italian town of Barga. One of the forum members lives down the street from the house that has burned down. An old woman who used to live in that house was burned alive in her bed (her son was rescued).

One thing that struck me pretty hard about the whole story is a remark that was made by the forum member in question about it: "she used to smoke in her bed... she doesn't anymore". The remark was not ill-meant, it was just a comment from someone who's lived in the same little town for a long time and has known the deceased. I am sorry she lost her life.

The story and the remark, however, made me think of the thousand and one things we do in our lives every day that can and do cause accidental deaths and destruction--driving drunk, not wearing seatbelts, not looking before crossing the street, smoking in bed, and a thousand other stupid things that can and are easily avoided if the person in question would just bother to do (or not do) as they should.

Accidents do and will happen no matter what, such is the way of the world. What I do not understand is why more people do not take better care of themselves--not just for their own sake, but for the sake of those who love them, if not for the sake of others, strangers whose deaths or injuries they can also cause. The conclusions I come to are disheartening either way--either people are so stupid that they truly believe that "it won't happen to them" and go ahead with whatever shit they are doing that is bound to blow up in their face one day, or that they do not care in the least what will happen to them and/or their loved ones (I am not so idealistic as to think people bother to not cause harm to random strangers!) as a result of their indulgence of the moment or lack of give a shit about basic rules of safety.

Accidents happen. What boggles my mind is why don't more people try to take care to avoid them, why do they make seemingly conscious choices to risk harm to themselves and their property despite the fact that obviously no one in their right mind wants an accident to happen to them?

deaddreamer.com

2005-01-13T01:42:00.000Z

I would like to thank my friend Ziv for pointing me to a site named deaddreamer to look at some gorgeous graphics (which also happen to be downloadable to be used as wallpaper).

Having gone to a number of good art schools in the time before computer graphics really took off (damn, that just made me feel old right there, though of course I could sit down and learn them--I am not that old!), I have to say that I am really impressed with the work, the composition, and the effort that is evident in the graphics on the site. So far, my favorite category is probably "The Whores of Babylon," although I can't say there is anything I saw on the site that I did not like.

The artist, Wilhelm Steiner, has my utmost compliments on his taste and work, including the design of the site itself, and I definitely recommend that everyone should at least look at his galleries, because they are very much worth seeing.

P.S. Having checked out the site a bit better I found that the artist himself is a year older than myself. Does that mean I should get a good graphics program and figure it out for my own use? Possibly a good idea. :)

Terminally Stupid?

2005-01-13T00:34:00.000Z

WASHINGTON - The U.S. trade deficit hit an all-time high of $60.3 billion in November as American appetites for foreign oil and even imported food reached record levels.

The Bush administration urged other countries to help fix the problem...

The source for this quote is an Associated Press article that can be found here.

Now, what makes me wonder about this all is--what the fuck were they thinking? I mean, really? I very much doubt that anyone in the Bush administration (except the prez himself) really believes that there are any countries around the world that bear US enough goodwill right now to offer money to relieve the huge national deficit the dumbass administration landed the country in while simultaneously managing to piss off most foreign powers, even those traditionally friendly to Americans and US in general.

What is really sad is that at the end of the Clinton administration, a lot of these same foreign powers were quite friendly towards USA (blow jobs in the oval office nonwithstanding), and probably would have offered help, but the country did not need it, as there was no deficit there, but rather a real, solid, honest-to-god budget surplus.

So the question is whether they (the Bush administration) really are that incredibly stupid as to 'urge' other countries to help them with this, or whether it is all a part of a great ploy to so flabbergass the financial ministers of other countries that they'd offer to help before they stop to think about what the fuck they are about to do, and why in the name of all gods should they do so at all.

Personally, this caused me to sit on the sofa and have a great and long bitter laughing fit--bitter only because I have some great friends and relatives over in USA, and I feel really really bad for them, since none of them that I know of have ever voted for this retard of a president.

On The Net :: Part IV, By My Own Rules

2005-01-12T04:40:00.000Z

Having been 'online' for a fair number of years, starting with the (embarrassing, huh?) first versions of AOL (give me a break, that was the only ISP available in the area when I got my 2400 baud modem), I have finally come to the conclusion that there is no 'fair' on the net.

Now, before you conclude that I am terminally stupid for assuming there was such a thing as justice on the net for many long years, let me explain, ok?

I have not thought about fairness for the longest time at all, because for most of those years spent browsing the net, I was a completely passive user, browsing here and reading there and looking up this, that or the other, without ever registering, commenting, writing or posting. Now you begin to get the idea, right?

Somewhat more recently I have become a more active participant in the net community, and it was then (though not right away), that I have began wondering about why the net communities will tolerate some sorts of behavior, but perhaps not others. For example, it seems to be a predominant attitude on many community sites (not just one but several that I have seen so far), that lying and being a general retard is tolerated, as long as the person in question does not do anything too obviously nasty to anyone in particular, or even when they do. It seems that often it is ok for hicks to be gay-haters and misogynistic assholes, for example, because it is 'understandable' that they are, being who they are. However, it is generally looked down (with varying degrees of displeasure) upon when a supposedly 'upstanding' member of the community attempts to shut the idiot up or to call him/her on some of their lies, thus creating 'disturbance' in the forum.

Personally, I think that is a case of a rather serious double standard, and dislike the practice immensely. I'd use stronger words, but it is about 6am in the morning right now, and I am not up to any stronger words.

Besides, I now have it figured out. What I should do is set up my own webspace (I have quite a bit), where I can create a little corner of the net for myself, one that I can run by my own rules.

Thank you for tuning in, and have a nice day. :)

Not My Writing Project

2005-01-10T23:40:00.000Z

For those of you who've heard about my new writing project and immediately decided that I was referring so to this blog (probably in a fit of a delusion of grandeur), you are mistaken. This blog is my blog, and has little to do with my new writing project, which is slowly moving along in the privacy of my own hard drive, other than I might use some ideas previously mentioned in the blog in my writing project as well.

I just realized I haven't mentioned the writing project yet--I started a draft on the subject which never got anywhere.

The Shit Is Happening

2005-01-10T03:52:00.000Z

OK, I just realized that with all the holidays and other stuff that happened, I have not updated anything here or in my writing project in a while. I feel kind of guilty because of it, though this is really not an obligation to anything other than myself. Which makes sense, of course, since I only really care about those, and hence an obligation to myself that I have neglected... you get the picture.

Anyway, I am back and alive (though sick with the flu that seems to sweep the entire world at the moment), and all I can say is, the shiet is happening.

It happens all over in the past month, it seems--from the rental car crash into which my boyfriend and friend got in December, to the tsunami in Southeast Asia, to the broken and virus-filled computers in the family here (due to a failed router which had to be fixed, and then all the computers had to be fixed), and to a brand new hard drive failing in a brand new computer a few days after we got it set up. And the news that our old family pet is probably dying at my brother's place and the vets being unable to diagnose what is wrong with her. Or the fact that our relatively new sofa broke for no good reason. Oh, and a relative breaking her ankle the other day, and need I go on? I by no means put the tsunami and the messed up computers on the same scale (they aren't)--it simply seems like there is a lot more crap happening to everyone all over the world lately than statistically should. Makes me wonder if Murphy is turning over in his grave, or if there are more than usual amounts of sun spots this year.

So yes, I think I should wait with more updates until I have calmed down about the latest calamity and taken a deep breath. For now, *knocks on wooden head*, I sure hope that the gods are merciful and stop more shit from happening, at least long enough for the world to attain some cosmic equilibrium.

Another Essay Exam Due Monday

2004-12-03T17:25:00.000Z

Well, here I am on my pentaweekly (Is that even a word? It should be.) adventure of writing the essay exam paper for yet another course segment. Yay. Nothing more to say there other than the fact that I need a break to rest my brain, and so here I am.

Other than that, I also realized that I may be late registering to Swedish language courses, and emailed the professor responsible for those to see if I can still arrange attendance. Idiot me, how could I have forgotten about the deadline? I feel like banging my head on the table, and probably would, if I felt it'd help the situation. As it is, I hope that there are seats available, and that I can get into one of those for next semester. *crosses fingers* I am more worried about this than I am worried about the aforementioned essay exam, as I am getting close to being done with reading, and I have two more days to write the actual short paper.

I feel like such a dork for not registering when I should have. Waaaaaaaaaaah!

Migraine, Biofeedback, and Potato Cakes

2004-11-30T19:39:00.000Z

Counting today, I have lost two days to migraine this week--as usual, completely. I have not gotten any writing done, I have not read any books for class, I missed an important seminar at university, and I haven't even washed the dishes.

All of which doth not a happy Lils make. I don't like surfacing from the pain a few days later and realizing that those few days have passed, and I have not managed to do jack shit but sleep, rest, sleep, sit in bath, take pills and do biofeedback exercises.

Speaking of which, I have managed to successfully perform biofeedback today for the first time in my life. I guess I would be excited and happy, if I weren't so worn down by pain. Considering the fact that I never really fully believed in biofeedback (not that I had reasons to disbelieve, either--just never noticed it working on any of the previous attempts despite having heard it works), I am quite surprised at how well it worked: for now, anyway, I am out of pain.

Hopefully the pain is gone for good and I will wake up tomorrow and the migraine would be over, and I could get back on with my life. For now, I will just relax on the sofa and wait for Niklas to come home and feed me dinner (as if I have a choice). Gah, I hate being this helpless! On the up side, he is bringing potato cakes and bacon, and I love both of those things. Yeah, it's not gourmet cooking, but as a dinner by a boyfriend who knows I crave salt and carbs when I have migraines, and who has just worked his ass off, it is quite wonderful.

On The Net :: Part III, 'Autobiographic' Sex Blogs

2004-11-23T21:39:00.000Z

Is it me or all of the sudden, the net is full of more-or-less graphic autobiographic sex blogs of prostitutes, sluts, hot mammas, wild chicks in search of a perfect man, and whatever else--a veritable cornucopia of sex writing that the internet crowd seems to gobble up regardless of the quality and/or verity of the supposedly autobiographic-in-action (blog) writing?

Granted, there are some funny, witty, intelligent and real (from what I can tell, anyway) blogs out there--like, for example, Mistress Matisse's Journal. I like her style and attitude, and I like her publications at The Stranger, as they give an interesting and non-condescending insight into the kinky lifestyle for someone (myself) who is essentially a vanilla person with very slight kinky interests.

I am not, however, here to talk about this site or any other sites of this caliber. I am annoyed at the overwhelming majority of the sex blogs which are actually knock-off 'sex worker' style and the 'wild slutty chick' style sites that are just that--internet-played fantasies designed in attempt to win book rights by gathering enough drooly readers who want to read the soft or hard porn stories and eat them up as 'real'. No, I will not put any links here, because I don't need hate mail or hate posts from either the authors or those who avidly read and comment and would foam at the mouth should I say something bad about their blogwriting idol. I mean, that "Spring Break" movie was real documentary as well, right... right?

Spare me.

I won't begin or end with commentary on how truly tasteless it is (in my highly biased snobbish view) to put the details of one's intimate life on the internet for the world to see in gory, embarrassing, psychotic and graphic detail. No, I am not a prude, nor do I have a problem with people writing about what's wrong with their lives--but I do find myself annoyed when people write about their sexual adventures in a manner that doesn't only suggest that they just made the adventures up, but also that they have never actually had all those things they write about happen to them, and desperately wish they would. To me, it comes off only as desperation--well, that and maybe a healthy amount of delusion about one's writing ability. It does tend to sugges to me where a lot of the recently-published crap in bookstores comes from: publishers follow the reading trend and publish what people want to read. True, this drivel won't win any Nobel or Pultzer prizes, but it gets published. And I really don't think it is worth killing the trees to create the paper it gets printed on.

No, I am not bitter, because I haven't written a book and haven't had a chance to get rejected and/or accepted by agents while someone that wrote the sort of thing I rant about might have. No, that is not my peeve with this phenomenon at all. I am, however, disgusted with those who read the shit up, and those who write it and pretend that it's their 'real' life they are writing about. Possibly it has to do with my dislike of any sort of lies--and possibly just distate for bad things getting marketed as intellectual property when there is nothing remotely intellectual about it. And possibly is just my gut-level response to anything smacking of a cheap tasteless trend in the society that surrounds me--and the internet is everywhere.

Ah, fuck it--I don't have to read those things, and they aren't killing trees in paper form (unless they get published, which thankfully most of them won't). They aren't even worth me spending more time to make this a well-rounded rant after I have vented enough to feel that I have expressed my disgust in no uncertain terms.

So be it. That's the beauty of the internet--no one forces you to read and waste time on anything you don't like.

Long Time No Write :: Updates

2004-11-23T21:13:00.000Z

Updates on a veritable plethora of topics--I feel that I have been bad and have been neglecting my writing. I had tried to write, truly--I even opened this page a few times!--but, alas, nothing ended up written.

Well, my writing bug is back again, and so here are the updates, in short:

School--I received a good (not top, but passing, grrrrr!!!) grade on the last essay exam I submitted to the dumb blonde professor. (Bitchy aside: she's possibly dyed blonde, but acts like a natural one, nevertheless.) Talked to another (current) professor about it and decided that ignoring a less-than-perfect grade for once (especially considering that it won't matter in my Ph.D. application at all) is better than pissing off the wife of the vice-department chair in question.

Health--both my bf and I are over our bout of flu or mono or whatever that crap was. Thank the Gods! Of course, clutzy me had to slip on the ice and fall today, but no permanent damage done, except to my pride. (Note to self: must buy real winter boots soon!)

Cats--doing well, other than the fact that Ramses had been peeing on the bed a few times--we finally figured out that he didn't like the new crystal litter we'd bought for him and Asynja. Replaced litter with old brand yesterday, and hoping that peeing behavior won't return. *fingers crossed* We have a show scheduled for December 11th, and we hope that the babies will do well--Ramses' brother Tahoe was recently shown with great results, and even contracted for breeding--we can hope that our gigolo (hehe) will be popular as well.

Plants--the Paphiopedilum we bought out of the bargain box a few weeks ago has been growing its flower spike, and the first bud had just cracked its green sheath: the color underneath is deep cabernet purple-red. I can only hope that most of the flower will be this way, as it is quite amazing, really. The plant seems to have suffered no ill effects from the fall that tipped it out of its pot a week ago. That, however, demonstrated to me that its pot and potting medium is quite inadequate, so I am going to try and take a trip to a store to purchase a good pot and medium for it--to be repotted asap, probably first thing after it flowers. That, and Queen Titi needs a repotting as well.

Social Calendar--nothing fancy on the calendar till Jul party with bf's family, but then we are planning a New Year's Eve party on the summit of the hill/mountain behind our house, with champagne in the snow and fireworks over Stockholm which we should be able to easily see from there. That will be preceded by a semiformal dinner with fewer invited guests, and probably my traditional roasted leg of lamb as main course--more about that as the plans materialize.

Food, Booze and Gifts--well, three jars of booze are still happily steeping in the back of the refrigerator, and I have made eight small jars of quince preserves (traditional Greek recipe) for giving away as gifts this holiday season--that ought to cover some friends and family, even if Niklas' family (even immediate family) is quite large.

That seems to be all the news on main subjects. Everything else to follow separately. ;)

Open House :: Family Visits

2004-11-08T16:26:00.000Z

Yesterday we had an "open house" at our apartment for all of Niklas' (my bf, in case I haven't mentioned the name before) family to come and see how we live. A sort of a belated housewarming party--rater belated, as we moved in 7 months ago, and Niklas' sister who had an open house also (we did it jointly, as she lives in a house next door to us) had lived there for a couple of years and still hasn't had one, either.

It was really fun. The word that I like plants must be spreading, because we have received three potted flowers and a candleholder. :) Not that I am complaining, mind you.

Drinks and Marmalade

2004-11-04T17:34:00.000Z

Other than being ill for the past few weeks, we have been busy preparing for the holiday season, which is sort of a big deal here--maybe not for all Swedes, I suppose, but Niklas' family is large and close to each other, and they like to do a lot of things together. We also have a few good friends that we plan celebrations with, and together that adds up to a lot of get-togethers and events. Being the social animal that I am, I absolutely love it, despite the fact that I just know it'll be exhausting--it's still fun! :)

There are parties being planned and gifts to give, and quite aside from the gloom of the US presidential elections, I am in a very happy mood about the glory of autumn here in Sweden, and busy with cozy and warm home preparations for the winter in the form of preserves and infused liquors.

We have started three jars of liquor in the refrigerator--two jars of infused vodka: one with cinnamon and blueberries, and one with chopped calamondins and whole cloves; and one jar of golden rum infused with sliced quince and cloves. I am not a habitual drinker--in fact, I drink rather rarely, but I really appreciate aromatic fruit liquors, and as the flavors and colors of the liquor in jars have been developing, it's been a struggle to stay away from sneaking a shotglass from one of the jars to sip on as a dessert drink. I won't, though, as these are for the Jul and New Year's celebrations--but the temptation is there. :)

I have also made a jar of quince preserves--the rather simple kind, sort of like unsieved marmalade--chopped fruit boiled in sugar with a bit of lemon juice and some whole cloves. Ripe quinces have an amazing property that comes out in the preserving process--around the time the preserves reach the setting point, the fruit and the syrup turn a gorgeous deep sunset orange-pink without any added coloring. Add to that the wonderful aroma of fruit, and it's high pectin content, and it makes for amazing preserves--which is why I plan to buy more jars and quinces if I can find them, and make the preserves for all our close friends and family.

Judging from the reactions of a friend of ours who was here during the cooking of the first batch, it should work out great. :)

Politics

2004-11-04T17:31:00.000Z

Well, Bush won. Whether because of not enough votes for Kerry, his concession, wrongful vote counting or rigged voting machines--there are a thousand and one opinions why. I do not know, and at this point it doesn't largely matter.

We--the entire world--are stuck with him thanks to a bunch of backwater inbred reactionary anti-gay-marriage anti-abortion bible-humping asshats who would rather take the country back to its Puritan times, take away female rights, and reinstitute slavery than advance into the 21st century with the rest of civilized world. With this I will begin and end my rant, as I was unable to vote this year because my absentee ballot did not get here in time. All I can do is console myself with hopes for a 2008 election and the fact that though a lot of my friends and family are still in USA, at least myself and my grandmother aren't. In case you wondered, in light of what they face there (and the entire world faces everywhere) for the next four years, it's a very small comfort.

Praise to Fall

2004-10-25T22:28:00.000+01:00

My boyfriend and I were out walking today--we went by the market, picked up a small pumpkin and some quinces for roasting, had apple strudel for dessert at a cafe, and bought some Absolut vodka (unflavored) to make New Year's blueberry cinnamon booze (takes several months) on the way home. Then we walked outside with the fallen leaves on the wet black ground in the slowly fading twilight. After that, we invited one of my boyfriend's sisters (she lives nearby) over for curried pumpkin soup and garlic baguette in the evening, and talked for a long time over tea in our kitchen.

All in all, I think the fall (wherever I may be) is my favorite season. I like the rich harvest of it, and the colors that are bright even in the low light of the long autumn evenings. I love the serene mood of it, devoid of the bustle of spring and the slow laziness of summer (though all have their merits, for sure)--but the quality of fall is that of a Gregorian chant compared to the Vivaldi's concertos of spring and Tchaikovsky's symphonies of summer--or the Pachelbel of winter for that matter. I even love the weather--though when it's blowing wind and rain, I like to appreciate that weather from a cozy sofa through a closed window.

Paphiopedilum, Shelves and Fall Shopping

2004-10-24T00:37:00.000+01:00

This morning boyfriend and I went out--well, to be honest, it wasn't so much morning as noon, but it wasn't long after we got up, so it was morning viewed that way, at least. :)

Anyway, we went out to the nearby shopping center because our apartment was out of such important things as wall screws and blank CDs. We needed the wall screws to finally finish the shelf-hanging project (will get to that in a little bit), and the blank CDs for some backups that I needed to do in order to wipe-delete the entire hard drive of my laptop and reinstall Windows (replacing XP home with pro, as a matter of fact). ;)

The morning was rather raw (though not rainy, thank the gods!), but it was too warm inside the mall, so I ended up sweating more than I like in my warm outdoor clothes, and when I walked back out, I probably got chilled (my throat is now a bit raw as well), but that's not the important part--the important part is that both of the major flower shops in the mall are located on the outside of it, so when we walked out because of the heat inside, we passed by both of the shops on the way back to the bus stop... and in the second one, I ran across some Paphiopedilums--ladyslipper orchids, for the laymen. The ones I saw in the window were a gorgeous waxy variety that is single-bloomed--but once I walked in, I noticed some pots in the clearance corner which had suspiciously familiar-looking leaves. I checked, and yes--there were several pots of paph orchids there: older, large and healthy plants, but with blooms that were done for. However, I noticed that one of the plants was already sprouting a new flower spike, and so Venus (christened by my bf on the spot) became part of our home orangerie. :)

From what I could tell after examining her old flower spike, she is a multifloral variety--possibly a hybrid, but also possibly a pure species. There were some dried flowers around the box, but I am not sure whether any of them belonged to our beauty--the ones I saw were pale purple and earthy pinks and greens (all varieties of Paphs tend to have rather extravagantly decorated flowers). My greatest hope is that the flower spike will develop well in the new place, and that soon we'll see what she's like in bloom.

Other than the orchid, we bought the screws and CDs, as well as a small pumpkin (for soup or stuffing), two huge--almost the size of the pumpkin--pomegranates, and mushrooms (champignon mushrooms, not the 'magic' variety!).

We came home and finally got the last three shelves up on the wall--and the room picked up and vacuumed for the first time in ages (it was difficult to do so with shelves and various tools all over the place), and being in a clean neat place feels wonderful. The shelves look really great in the corner--we put one of our hanging plants on the top one and it's cascading down beautifully--I just hope it doesn't attract the attention of our little monsters (aka kittens) and doesn't get yanked down to the ground.

All in all, it has been a great Saturday. Tomorrow we have a bit more clean-up to do, and in the evening we'll have guests--but now that we have things under control, it should be a breeze to get the place into a presentable shape.

Oh, and another piece of news--we have bought a bit of a cow (1/24th to be precise) from our friends' parents who have their own herd (so no colors or add-ons, real clean meat!), and we're getting that shipped tomorrow too. Yay to steak and roast beef! :)

Plans for A Night Out

2004-10-21T13:24:00.000+01:00

I haven't been out (as in a 'night on the town') in just about forever. Partially it was me being sick and somewhat broke this month (we have lent some money to a friend in trouble and it cut into our own monthly budget), and partially it was being busy with friends coming over and other things.

This morning, however, a friend of ours poked me via IM and asked me if we'd like to go to a club event she runs (she has it every month or so) tonight. Considering that the crowds that come to that sort of event aren't at all objectionable to us, and the fact that I have a neat outfit I'd like to wear out where it'd get appreciated, I decided I wanted to go--and bf was quite agreeable as well. :) Now, it's the same raw and chill Swedish autumn day out there today as was yesterday, but I feel much better and I think doing makeup and going out is going to do both of us a lot of good.

The outfit in question is one I had not yet had a chance to show off to the streets of Stockholm--and not entirely street-appropriate to begin with (not decency-wise, but rather weather-wise, you'll see why in a moment). It consists of a long narrow microfiber-fabric skirt with a long slit up the back in one of those deep-but-bright classy purple colors that drapes nicely over my behind and calf-high boots (and I don't mean those sissy pointy-toe things--I have a pair of cute stiletto booties, by they aren't for this weather either... the boots I plan to wear have a chopped-off short square toes and high but chunky heels--comfortable to walk in on wet asphalt). On top of that, I plan to wear a black satin corset--the real thing, with hook front, heavy all-round boning, and bi-directional lacing in back. It has push-up cups and detachable straps. Over that, I still haven't decided between two articles--I have a drop-dead gorgeous black pashmina shawl that I could drape on my shoulders, and I also have a really short (almost bolero-cut) sweater that dips really low in front, zips up that short length, and has a faux-fur trim around the neck. I am leaning a bit towards the sweater, but it all depends on how cold I'll feel in a few hours when I head out.

There will also be some jewelry involved--probably silver and moonsones, but possibly silver and jade. Or gold. Or that pair of gorgeous chandelier earrings I have that are just costume jewelry, but would work really nicely with the clothes--we'll see. :)

I guess we'll see how it turns out, but I am pretty excited about the outing. Will post an update later or tomorrow, depends on how much fun we end up having. ;)

About Soup

2004-10-20T14:26:00.000+01:00

I would like to dedicate today as a personal holiday in celebration of the goodness of soup.

Yeah, you heard right. And not even any fancy-shmancy gourmet cold whipped soup decorated with cucumber slices and one enokitake mushroom, either. I am talking about the thick and full-bodied variety of soup that is cooked in many kitchens around the world in cold-weather seasons to drive the chill from the bones of hungry people of all ages. Any country with a cold season in its climate has one or more typical soups made from whatever ingredients are found on-hand there--pasta, beans, potatoes, lentils, corn, vegetables, meat and fish, cooked slowly in a big pot to have seconds for everyone--the kind that is eaten with lots of bread and butter and is a meal in itself.

I guess it is the shortening days and the cloudy skies that make me think of things that have to do with comfort and warmth, and soup is high on that list, along with live fire (be it candles or a fireplace--how I wish I had one!) and down comforters. I do not mind the short days of Scandinavian winters (the summers more than make up for those!), but my body demands more light than is available, causing a light case of winter sleepines. The remedies are lots of halogen lighting, warmth and, yes, soup. The reason soup is so high on that list--above other hot foods--is probably because of its very nature--hot liquids do much to clear up stuffy chests and sinuses, and something that is a hot and liquid-rich food does so twice as well. And of course, unlike a great many other foods, soup is quite frequently better the next day than the day it's made. :)

Really, of all foods, soup is probably the most underappreciated. In the modern society, it typically exists either as a first course in the nicer varieties of eateries, or as powdered-or-canned staple in the pantries of people who have no time or motivation to cook. The eat-out soups aren't half bad, really (well, depends on where you go!), but the pre-made varieties are quite awful (with a few notable exceptions), and for the most part can't really be what soups (according to me) should be like. This is probably the cause of the lowly status of soup in the modern Western kitchen--when asked what one would like to eat, people will name steak and seafood and pasta and a number of other dishes, but soup somehow rarely gets mentioned--and that's a shame.

Cursing the lack of soup culture in the world around me, when I set out to live on my own, one of the first things I wanted to learn to cook was soup--and spent some time and money on soup cookbooks. However, I soon discovered that the 'zen' of soup can't be learned from books or cooking shows (though the instructions and inspirations and pictures in books did help!)--that only time and practice can teach one to cook a truly satisfying pot for the cold, raw-weather evenings.

I do not claim mastery of the art just yet, but I must say that I am improving and beginning to perform closer to my high eating standards, and that is a Good Thing™.

So even though I have not made soup today (only had a bowl from the pot in the fridge), in the light (or the lack of it) of today's raw, just-above-freezing weather, I hail the soup for its existence in our menus and its unequaled goodness.

All Hail The Soup!!!

So sayeth me.

Illness, Drill Bits, And Warcraft III

2004-10-19T00:31:00.000+01:00

I haven't written in a week, mainly because both, my boyfriend and I were ill. We had either a nasty case of prolonged flu, or mononucleosis--not serious, but it lasted and lasted and wore us out completely. We are now slowly recovering, but still feeling tired a lot. Being sick is not at all fun.

We had to halt our home improvement efforts because all drill bits we managed to acquire gave up before our concrete wall... at least we now feel that it's a good wall. ;) We have borrowed a HILTI drill from a construction contractor friend of ours, and will attempt to drill again tomorrow--from what we heard, it should take any sort of concrete short of military-grade (and I doubt what we have in our wall is that).

In completely unrelated news (other than the fact that we've been sick and at home and had time for it), we've been playing Warcraft III and the Frozen Throne expansion to it. I must note that I love Blizzard games--not just because they are well-balanced and fun, but also because of the comic relief that is provided in the game itself. I am generally not even a fan of computer games, but playing this one has been great fun so far, and we aren't done with it yet. :)

The hour is late. Will write more later in the week--hopefully with better news. Off to rest now.

Human Nature :: Tell You A Secret

2004-10-11T14:00:00.000+01:00

All my life I have been a 'listener'--the one person to whom everyone comes to tell their woes and things they'd rather not mention to everyone else. It is not as if I ever gossiped or tried to get people to tell me things--it's that everywhere I go, people frequently want to tell me their secrets, and I end up being the confidante without any effort from my side. You know, walking around with everyone's dirty secrets in my head.

In addition to the obvious, this quality has also made me--guess what?--cynical. I mean, I am a happy person myself, not what most people would consider a cynic to be like, but because of how much I have been told about people's secret lives and deeds and conversations in the course of my still-short life, I have a pretty good idea of what people are like. If you didn't think that'd make one cynical, you're in need of pink lens removal from your eyes, if not worse. But let me not get distracted talking about myself so much--I apologize, but I am actually going somewhere with this, so bear with me.

In any case, for some damn reason (possibly other than it being true--which it is, by the way), people consider me to be a good and trustworthy confidante. I think I am, but not always the way people think I am--I will try not to sympathise with whoever brought me the story first, and I will try to get the other side's version of it. Then I will dish out my judgement to those willing to listen. Not everyone likes it, but I don't hide the fact that I am reasonable, and in my little world, that is what reasonable people do (as opposed to being influenced by just one side, or jumping to conclusions).

As I mentioned, getting the other side's story tends to irritate the side in question, and so I frequently just avoid people's confessions, because due to my propensity to stick to my principles, I risk pissing off both sides by trying to get the full story. When I do end up hearing more than I ever thought I needed to know (which is still quite often), it's a risk I am willing to take, because to me, honestly, having a clear conscience and being happy with myself means more than having someone unhappy with me for trying to sort things out.

I wonder if people who end up confiding in those of us who are the 'listening magnets' among the humanity ever wonder what burden the place on the ones they confide in? I do not for a moment agree with the common idea that ignorance is bliss. I would not trade whatever it is that makes me the girl to talk to for anything (well, for almost anything). ;) It is just that when people unburden themselves on us, it is not easy to remain detached from the information we are given--and from the thoughts of what is the right thing to do with it, or whether it is wisest to do nothing at all.

One thing that I find harder and harder to do as time goes by is to not pass judgement on people based on what I find out about them--from themselves and from others. Don't think that I will take all people say about others at face value--oh no, that would be simply naive. No, but I do use information people give me to extract more information from other sources and to correlate. And then I make my judgements--though lately I also do better at keeping those to myself than I used to, so I guess it evens things out. However, I am human after all, and I have my ideas of right and wrong, removed as they are from the socially accepted norms. And so, according to those ideas, I will decide for myself what I think about the subjects. Now, whether to tell them or anyone, is yet another question--if I am a friend of the one in question, I will probably tell my friend what I think of his or her actions. If I am not a friend, things can be very different--simply because, while I am quite honest, I don't feel obligated to inform each and every person I come in contact with about all I know. That, too, would be highly naive.

I avoid being naive if and when I can. And my family name doesn't translate into English as judge without leaving an imprint on what and who I am.

Labor Therapy, Self-Inflicted

2004-10-05T13:37:00.000+01:00

Today, I woke up after sleeping eleven hours straight, and feeling very blah. Coupled with a flu, wrong time of month, and some minor bad news we have received yesterday, my mental and physical state was such that I was left to wish for better.

There are really only two courses of action open to me when I wake up in such a state--I can continue moping for yet another whole day (and probably stretch it out into moping for a week or three--not an option!), or I could do labor therapy.

Labor therapy is something that is much overlooked by psychologists these days. I was taught it by my mother when I was in my early teens, and I have never regretted using the technique since. Not to mention that, unlike happy pills that so many of my friends down in quantities, and unlike booze and illegal drugs (that some people I know use to drown their woes in), labor therapy has only positive side effects.

The basic idea is that if you are in a bad mental state (and no worse than mediocre physical state--this isn't recommended with a broken leg, high fever, or pneumonia, mind you!), you can improve both by viciously attacking the entropy in your surroundings--that's housecleaning, for those of you who are unsure. Bringing order to chaos, metaphysically speaking, same thing as creation of the world on a small scale--an activity as godlike as we humans can ever aspire to. ;)

So, no wonder that it makes us feel better, right? :)

Note: before we go any further, I'd like to point out that I loathe housecleaning.

Anyway, prescription strengths vary, but it's quite allright to self-medicate in this case, as long as one keeps it in moderation (same as with anything else, keep it sane!). For a pissy mood or a case of PMS anger--a sinkful of dishes+dirty kitchen do quite nicely. For a case of sustained bad mood, several loads of laundry help, as they are a good systematic activity that takes time and has periods of rest in-between. I find that more energetic activities, such as picking shit up and vacuuming the place help against feeling blah, while cleaning the bathroom (all of it, and the toilet too) is a good all-round remedy. Of course, these are all personal, so one ought to feel free to experiment and see what makes you feel better in what sort of situations.

Today, my state was rather worse than any of the above--it was a case of bad weather, flu, PMS, all mixed up with depression over bad news. Not good at all--which is why I prescribed the entire apartment to myself (or as much as I can do before I feel better, anyway). ;) So far, I have picked up and vacuumed the greatroom, and I am moving to the kitchen next. After that, probably a short run with vacuum in the hallway; and I'll leave the bathroom for last--it is the place least in need of help in the apartment right now, and I might get myself to feeling just fine before I get to it, anyway.

Then, after being done with whatever you've inflicted on yourself, a nice bath with lavender oil in the tub, and a warmed towel (god bless heated towel racks!) are recommended. I know I'll be feeling much, much better when I crawl out of that tub some hours hence. Heck, I am feeling much better after just the greatroom work!

So yeah--no negative side effects, therapy cheap and always available (except maybe in those anal homes that NEVER have any dirt in them--but then, the owners probably need other types of therapy for that), and the side effects are great--a clean place, piles of clean clothes, and shining kitchenware. And you're happy, of course. :D

Nature Thoughts and Kitty Rescue

2004-10-03T17:29:00.000+01:00

The fall has come here finally, though most of the leaves are still green and there are still few cloudy days. The daytime is still pretty long, with bright sharp-angle sunlight characteristic of these latitudes, and wonderful chilly evenings--around 10C and below (that's in high 40s and low 50s for you Americans).

The rowans are standing in full fall dress around our subdivision, with still-green leaves, and large heavy bunches of deep-red berries. I am kind of tempted to go pick some and make jam out of them (they are pretty tart when raw), but laziness will probably get the best of me, and I won't get around to them till it's too late. Of course, 'too late' will be long after first frost, and so I have time yet. Same with the huge wild rose in our patio--it's full of rosehips (wild rose fruit) to the point where it's all bent down from the weight, and I plan to make candied rosehips for the winter, and dry some for tea--but hope to not lose the motivation to get it done (it's a mess cleaning them).

The sky turns an amazing piercing-blue during the days, and the gray clouds that roll in some evenings make the indoors wonderfully cozy. I wish I had a fireplace, but barring that, some nice candles and hot chocolate (the real thing, not some instant shit!) do the trick. That, and our cats--the colder the weather gets, the snugglier they become. The fluffy happy things just crawl into the blankets and purr, and purr and purr and purr, like some atavistic domestic gods warding the home to keep the cold and dark outside the windows away from our little place.

But yes, I was going to talk about the kitten. For the past three weeks, we had signs about a lost kitten (well, young cat) hanging all over our area. To us, that is a heart-tearing sight, because it brings to mind the fact that somewhere out there is a lost kitty, and also his owner who is upset, and can't find her baby. Really sad, and we'd not seen a kitty outside that looked like the one in the description, so we could do nothing.

Until this morning.

The boyfriend was tired, and so I got up and decided to let him sleep in a bit--it's Sunday, for gossake. We had a friend of ours sleep on our couch (she stayed over late last night watching movies), so she and I got up, found that there is NOTHING in the fridge for breakfast, and decided to walk to the nearby grocery to pick some food up.

On the way back, a little red cat walked up to us, looking lost (but not too skinny). We both like cats, and so we stopped to pet it. He followed us towards my place a bit, then wandered off onto the lawn. We went on, not thinking about the lost cat ads till we saw one--and then it clicked. We phoned the # on the ad, and the lady asked us to pick up the cat so he won't run off, and to meet her in the area--she was running out of the house as she spoke to us, almost crying. We were at home by then, so we dumped the groceries and went back to where we saw the pussy--and sure enough, he was there, and let me pick him up and carry him to where the owner was headed.

And that's really the end of the story. She saw him, and though he'd been gone 3 weeks and grown, she immediately recognized her baby. So she showed us some pictures she had in her phone of him and his brother as tiny kittens, and we shooed her home to take care of the cat.

Happy end. I must say, it's the first time I have participated in returning a lost pet to the owner, and it's an amazing feeling--to be able to help someone in such a bad situation. When I realize how many lost pets are never found again, it really hurts--because if my pets were lost, I'd give almost anything to have them brought safely to me.

So, another kitty and his human mommy sleep well tonight. And that is all that matters.

On The Net :: Part II, Twats and Assholes

2004-10-01T16:08:00.000+01:00

Let me tell you a story about the net and the sorts of pathetic assholes found on it.

So, the story goes like so: a friend of mine has a web site and an active forum associated with the site. Overall, it's a great community, open to discussion, and rather tightly moderated for any sort of flaming and attacks. I find it good, even if behaving myself there is sometimes a bit taxing for my short temper and flammable personality. I still do like it there, because the tight moderation really does mean that people don't get away with the sort of shit that would cause me to get pissed off and blow up. So it's really not much work to keep my temper leashed there--and if I want to go elsewhere and flaaaaaaaaame someone, I can do it on one of the several other 'anything goes'-policy sites that I frequent.

Thing is, my friend is one of those genuinely nice people that try to work things out even with the worst of assholes, and she really, really doesn't like having to ban anyone from her site. So when she does it, it's usually for more than enough of a reason--racist remarks, sexist shit, attacking other members, or nasty talk behind people's backs via private messaging systems on the site. Humans, however, are frequently assholes--and whereas they don't act like it in real life for fear of consequences, they do usually just let go and act on it on the internet.

Over a year ago, she had banned an asshole for causing upheaval on the board and trying to get members to leave behind her back. Time without him and his buddies (who also got so fucking banned™) was a nice and quiet time, punctuated only by the occasional spammer/lame new member. And then he came back--signed up from a different provider, different user name, and generally acted like a new member. It didn't take those of us who knew him to figure out who he was (Note: those spelling/grammar mistakes will be a telltale sign to anyone with half a brain!), and he was banned again, with a 'shame on you' note posted on the board.

Guess what? The ass signs up again, and posts under yet another username about how he didn't know he was banned (not in a year or two, huh?), and how he thought his username didn't work because of a recent board hack (makes me wonder if he did it or paid for it), and generally lays bullshit on thick--including attacks and lies about the board admin and owner. So he gets flamed by me and another member, and banned again, as in "here's your sign!"

Things like this make me wonder about people who act like so. I mean, why go somewhere where you know you aren't welcome, and try to 'fit in' again? And why then make up obvious lies when you are caught circumventing the ban about how you didn't know you were banned (for all those years!), and only just made a new account? What do these people think they'll achieve by accusing the board admin nastily on their own turf? Vindication? Publicity? The bullcrap will probably stay up just to showcase his idiocy in this case, but it could just as easily be deleted or archived, so no one in the world would know about his plight at the hands of the evil proprietor of the site... I mean, come on people, get a life!

Who cares if you say the admin is bad, etc. If you don't like the site or the admin, for gossake--leave!!! If you stay and try to cause crap on the board, you only show to the world how much of a twat you are, and nothing else.

News, Language Studies & Romance Novels

2004-10-01T14:25:00.000+01:00

So, I have finished the first segment of classes for this semester, and even talked myself into stopping to stress about the grade (I should find out about that sometime towards the end of next week). Partially, I was persuaded to stop stressing by a bout of flu, a subsequently developed migraine, and the subsequent taking of a large dose of sumatriptan (Imitrex, Imigran, whatever they call it in your part of the world)--and that is enough to destress anyone!

As a result, I missed the second lecture in my current (second) segment of the classes, but if I judge from the first lecture, this class will be a cakewalk (it's anthropology of art and I've had more classes in history and theory of art than is sane), so I am not worried about that.

In good news, it looks like I will be able to take classes in Swedish language starting either next semester, or starting this semester as a full beginner, and starting next semester full-time on a more advanced level. To be honest, I am not a fan of language study, but in my case, it's currently both, helpful and necessary, so I am sufficiently motivated to suffer through it for higher goals--such as learning the language of the country I now live in. And, having lived in many countries that spoke different languages so far, I can't stress enough the importance of that.

Therefore, Monday or Tuesday I'm going to the department of Nordic lanuages and going to sign up for whatever they have available--wheee!!! There goes my free time--and it's going buh-bye!

But yes, it's all a Good Thing™, and I am not complaining about the extra load. Besides, I am supposed to have a talent for learning languages (English is my third, you judge for yourself), and that is supposed to make it easier for me to learn foreign languages... lies, lies and lies! It doesn't make it easier... it's still damn hard. What it does, is make it possible to learn foreign languages to a better extent--and I'll be damned if I won't take full advantage of the ability!

I should mention that my personal choice at learning languages involves only a bit of formal training, then followed up by reading cheap pastel-cover romance books in copious amounts and without the use of a dictionary: since the books are supremely dumb and have the same plot, even if I miss the meaning of two or ten pages completely, I can just keep reading. What's the point, you ask? Well, the point is that this sort of futile-seeming exercise stuffs your vocabulary with tons of contextually-accumulated words, without the need of head-breaking vocabulary memorization. It also helps grammar and sentence structure--in short, it's a great, and greatly overlooked language-training tool.

Of course, one has to be able not to puke while studying... but trust me, initial lack of understanding adds greatly to the mystery and plot value of the book, and by the time the books become pukingly-understandable (after 3 to 8 books, on average), it's time to stop reading those and start reading better books. So you see, it all works out. :)

In any case, I am going to be extremely happy when I get my Swedish up to par--not only will it allow me to work as a 4-way translator (and that would be nice pay while I am in school, or at least in summers), but it will, most importantly, make me stop feeling like I am linguistically handicapped or impaired. I like to be in control, and it's hard to feel in control of a situation when you can understand only about 1/4 of what people are saying around you (unless they are nice an speak English for my sake).

There was something else I wanted to say that unfortunately evaporated from my short-term memory, like the holey place it is. I'll write about it separately if/when I remember.

Our Daily Stress

2004-09-27T18:39:00.000+01:00

I don't know about all other people--it's their life--but I do not stress very often, or about much. Maybe that comes from having lived through Scud missile bombardment (I don't take many things seriously since then, and definitely don't stress over them!), or maybe it's my general lack of give-a-shit, but I usually don't stress a whole lot about anything--haven't stressed about exams in university before, either.

That was during my first five years of study, though, before the work break, and in USA. I wasn't rusty and I knew what my professors (and professors in USA in general) expected out of their students and their term papers. I don't really know what the expectations are here, and I am stressed.

I have submitted my take-home exam essays today, and now I am worried that maybe I could have done better, or maybe I did not write things the right way for this course, this professor, or this university system in general. Overall, the essays I wrote are good essays, if I do say so myself, but I am just worried about the what-if: what if the prof didn't want the questions answered in this manner, and what if the prof didn't like the way I write, and what if it wasn't thorough enough (even though I went 200-300 words over the suggested word count for essays), and what-if..? (You get the idea.)

I know I shouldn't stress, but it's hard not to--and I am not used to stressing out, either. I am trying to relax, and just wait for the grade calmly... right! But I got one of our kittens snuggled up to me under the throw (he's helping the 'relax' part), and I am considering the fact that no one, not even me, is immune to stress--and the best we can do is try to deal with it, and keep living our lives.

Do I like it? No. Do I hope it'll get gone soon? Yes. Can I do much about it right now--no, not much, but I can try to rest and see how things turn out. I can very well do without our daily bread... errm, stress, that all of our society seems to be saddled with, for better or worse.

Console Shelves, Roughly Horizontal

2004-09-25T00:35:00.000+01:00

Remember the shelves I mentioned in the IKEA entry? The ones we had piled on our carpet for some days now, forlorn and awaiting the arrival of tools? Well, their salvation is at hand--three of the six (the set of small three) is already up on the wall next to the window, and only time limitations this week have prevented us from getting them all up.

I don't think I have described the room yet, so here's a bit of a view into it: It is a large rectangular room (not a long rectangle, about 2:3 width:length ratio), with French doors leading onto the patio centered on the far (short) wall. The entrance is at the opposite end of the adjacent (long) wall. the floor is wood-pattern flooring, and the walls are painted a pale warm (sage-shade) green, with a simple matching border around the top. The ceiling and trim are both white. The furniture is birch veneer with metal trim, except for a nice futon sofa (darker wood frame with metal supports), old armchair made of dark wood and rust-colored leather, and an old WWII German shipping crate used as chest/plant/fan stand in front of the French doors. The crate is blackened with age and moisture, and generally very aged, but still holding together. There are also two plant pedestals and a dresser, all antique and painted white--the dresser has a glass top.

The room is full of plants and, usually, friends and cats as well (though at times the latter migrate to other parts of the apartment in their endless pursuit of entertainment or warm soft places to sleep). Plants stand on the floor, on the pedestals, on an antique round stool I forgot to mention--it houses the fruiting Calamondin orange tree, and on top of the bookcase. Some will be relocated once the shelving over the desk is completed, but not sure how yet--though it's a safe bet that some of the hanging plants will be moved to the top shelf (if they can be made safe from the cats there).

Back to shelving--boyfriend had gone and acquired the desired items (we have moved to this new place recently, and as he lived with father prior to this, he has no tools of his own yet: we are slowly assembling them as needed). The desired items ended up being a set of drill bits, a foldable sturdy 2m ruler, and a level--all needed to get the shelves up and hung at least roughly horizontal. Not that I mind a millimeter or two incline either way over an 80-cm expanse, but more would really get in the way of shelf functionality--the smooth surface would facilitate stuff sliding off it at any wider angle.

They are functional though, and I spent some time admiring my interior decorator skills--instead of naked blah walls above and around the desk, there is a beginning of an utilitarian chic ladder of elegant storage/display space. The area that was previously wasted space now makes the corner look lived-in and rather classy (it goes well with the desk). Go IKEA (they make things to match), and go me (the layouts and selections were mine)!

I can't load them yet, because the shelves on the adjacent wall are yet to be put up, but I literally can't wait--not to mention the fact that it'll involve getting some things off the bookcase and moving the bookcase itself to where it should be, etc.--that is, helping along the design for the room that is slowly taking place. I did put up my purple metallic tin-aluminum mesh-and-translucent plastic desk set on the lower shelf temporarily just to see how it looks--and yes, it reminded me of why I think that pale green and pale purple are such a winning combination--not to mention that the metallic paint on the desk set goes with the console supports for the shelves.

So far--I give the corner two thumbs up. May our upcoming efforts with the rest of the room prove just as streamlined and classy!

Living in Europe :: Part I, "The Whys"

2004-09-24T23:24:00.000+01:00

I have not mentioned this topic explicitly before, so this is as good a time as any to talk about it--"it" being my life, currently in Europe as it is.

I was born in Europe, but I have not lived here during my grown or even teen years, and what I remembered of it was happy and soft, but rather blurry in the way childhood memories tend to be. I have lived in Middle East (Israel, to be precise), and I have lived in USA as well since that time, and all my adult memories are from those two places--well, memories of having lived in a place. I've been to far more places than just those two, and I have memories from all the wonderful and interesting places I've been as well, but those aren't the same. Memories of a life in a place differ by far from memories of a visit--qualitatively even more than quantitatively.

I believe one cannot really understand a place without having lived there at least for half a year--and preferably more. Which, of course, makes for a thought about choosing places where you'll spend time carefully, as years of our lives are limited and precious--too precious to spend in a place you hate for whatever reason--be it contentment with some of the situation, fear of moving on, fear of the unknown, or... well, they'd be your reasons, you name them to yourself.

Why Europe for me, then? Latest place I was, was USA--and there are closer places to move from there, like Canada, Mexico, and South America in general--a rather big place, and not across an ocean... And, for the most part, easier and less problematic to move to, from the USA at least. Why bother and move to the Old World again--and why not go back to the familiar haunts of the Holy Land? I'd probably feel more at home there, and I know the main languages used in those parts already...

But then, I've always loved Europe.

That stemmed not so much from my childhood's memories, as it did from the times I've been there as a grown-up visiting from across the Atlantic, walking the streets of old cities and villages, climbing up to the chateaus in Luxembourgh hills, and sampling the local beer and wurst in the villages of the Austrian Alps.

I have probably loved Europe before I ever came back to walk it for one simple reason--I love old places, and aside from Native American (Aztec and Maya as well as assorted other) cities, there is nothing truly old in the New World--and definitely nothing old that is still really alive.

So, now I am here. Why--partially because my boyfriend is a Swede and he had no inclination to move to USA after visiting there, but also because I've always loved Europe and had no problem with his suggestion that I should move to Sweden instead. These aren't the only reasons that realistically mattered in my decision (made a couple of years ago) to move here--but they are the major ones among myriad other reasons and considerations that passed through my head when I thought about it.

I feel like I should say more about Europe and the move here, but right now I can't think of it all--hence Part I, to be followed up by more. I am far from done talking about my move here and the reasoning I went through prior to the head dive into the unknown--and I will say more, but not today.

Appreciating Life :: Migraines

2004-09-24T21:54:00.000+01:00

Pain concentrates one's thoughts (on the subjects of life, universe and everything) admirably. And no, I do not suggest that anyone wishing to focus one's thinking upon these subjects to go and get their toe smashed with a hammer, merely stating that if one lives with recurrent and severe pain such as a migraine, some things are clearer immediately after an attack. Besides, smashing a toe (or taking something to induce a migraine-type pain) will be a willfully attempted suffering, and not something random and non-self inflicted, so I am not even sure it'd have the psychological effect in question.

In any case--when for a matter of hours or days, your world is a world of non-ending pain that follows you even into sleep, being out of pain when it is all over makes you realize just how wonderful the world really is. Things have bright colors that are beautiful, and fresh air feels great, and things taste good instead of inducing nausea, and music is something you actually want to be around, instead of trying to get away from the sound-induced agony.

For me, times immediately after migraine headache (and associated symptoms) have passed, work as reminders that depression and being down because of small things in life is simply not an option. Being free of pain clarifies one's worldview wonderfully--why nag and grouch and generally annoy oneself and others around you when life is so great and you feel wonderful? The memory of just how much worse it can be (and was just recently) still fresh and vivid within your mind, gives a similar effect to extreme sports and other forms of adrenaline rush--being out of pain has nothing to do with that particular hormone, but it does give you an exhilarating high on life itself.

So yay for life out of pain, and may we all learn to appreciate it as much as we should without having to be in pain to do it.

Life, IKEA and Everything

2004-09-20T13:43:00.000+01:00

Long time since I've written anything, but the reason can be gleaned from my previous entry (the one about social calendar). I've been busy, I've had a bad back, I've been busy, my boyfriend has had a cold, and we've been busy some more.

Not that I am complaining--in the spirit of my life philosophy (that life is good), I would say that I am grateful for all I have in my life, as it is good. My sweetie and I are happy together, I am in university, he has a job (not a dream job, but we are working on improving that--still, it's decent and pays bills). Hopefully I'll also get the study-money from the govt. sometime in this millennium, but we're ok even so. We have great friends, we have great cats, we have lots of bf's loud and social family around here, and we are working on home improvement in our apartment.

Which brings me to IKEA trip last night and how I've been good. IKEA, as a store, is seriously in league with the devil. Or they could be said to be, if they weren't so reasonably priced... or maybe that's part of the deal. Anyway, it is very hard to visit IKEA for things you need (and one frequently needs IKEA stuff because it's everything for the home, and well-made and inexpensive and all in one place), without finding a ton of things you didn't know you needed, and also things you don't need, but really, really want to have.

Last night I was good, and walked away with only one thing I truly didn't need (but really, really wanted!), and it was a cute plate to go with my cute soup cup (which in itself was an impulse purchase last time we were at IKEA). Thankfully, it wasn't something to break my wallet by any means. Of the things we need, shelving merits mention. Our walls are still, by an large, bare, and we have too much stuff to store in our single (and overworked) bookcase, so we bought a large amount of console shelving to go above the huge computer desk that occupies a corner by the window (and a good half of wall from it). It is birch veneer shelves with muted-metal colored supports (these shelves will have to bear books, they can't be set on just pop-in screws from the side). The design is very post-modern (my favorite, aside from Japanese-inspired postmodern), and will go great with our birch veneer furniture and pale green walls.

I'm rambling. In any case, now we have a pile of shelving on the carpet (our neighbours wouldn't have appreciated drilling of brick and concrete walls at 11pm), and bf is out to acquire a better measuring tool than a tape measure (to make sure the shelves end up--*gasp!*--horizontal!), so that we can finally get them up there, get the orchid tray away from where cats get to it on a frighteningly regular basis, and to get shit off the poor bookshelf that is really in need of being moved anyway.

In addition to all that, we've had an accidental depressed houseguest friend for all of last week, and I am worn out to the point of wanting to lay down on the sofa now and sleep the day away. I might actually even do that, after some minor cleaning of apartment and a bath. I really, really would like that.

If it all sounds complicated, it's because it is. Like my calendar, which lately frightens me at a a glance.

Life is nice, but it's really not easy, and tends to require a shitload of scheduling.

I still appreciate it all. Even when I don't get enough sleep and feel like I want to give up everything for another 3 hours in bed.

Social Calendar

2004-09-13T22:12:00.000+01:00

Lately I feel like some socialite personality--I found myself today juggling a PDA, a paper calendar and Outlook Calendar (with dumping into PDA option) while trying to map out our events calendar for the--hold your breath!--remainder of this calendar year.

I am not kidding. I have my lectures, seminars and paper due dates from university through January 13th, we have cat show and associated things planned for December, dinners with friends and family 1-2 times a week on average (not counting unplanned drop-bys, those are always great!), evenings for reading homework, weekends to write term papers, trips, club meetings, summer-camp reunion, house projects, shopping trips, home improvement items... I just found myself making about 20 entries into Calendar--aside from everything else that was already in there for the nearest couple of weeks, while playing email tag with a family of our friends who are also juggling a calendar for the next few weeks (trip to Norway, etc.)--we've been trying to get together for dinner at our place for a few weeks already. It is not that we really tried to fill up the dates--the "we want to see you, come over"/"we'd like to visit you sometime" and other things have really built up lately (now that summer is sort of over and everyone is back from vacations all over the place), and things snuck up for us.

On one hand, we are definitely not stagnating or dying of boredom, but on the other hand, I feel like I am trapped in my social calendar, with no leeway and no procrastinating time. I LIKE having some unplanned-for time for ourselves. I like having time to sleep in, rest, and relax, so I have been kind of considering trying to schedule a bit less activity and leave more leisure time after this wave of already-made plans rushes through...

Draft-and-Forget

2004-09-13T18:17:00.000+01:00

I have found the draft feature of blogger and decided I do not like it--precisely because I seem to like it so much. Since the previous post, I have made (started) three drafts that I haven't finished, and now I feel silly: if the 'save as draft' feature did not exist, I would have posted those things days ago, simply because I wouldn't have wanted to forget what I wished to talk about.

So anyway, having noted the fact that I should use the draft-and-forget feature less, I should go back into the draft archive and get those entries finished and posted.

The School :: Stockholms Universitet

2004-09-08T12:14:00.000+01:00

As I have mentioned, I am in university again, this time for a degree (and hopefully a future Ph.D. in Social Anthropology). The school is Stockholms Universitet. Not to be stating the obvious, but for the curious and clueless over yonder on the other side of the Atlantic ocean, it's a university-at-the-capital, i.e. a prominent Swedish educational institution, one with competitive admissions and all associated attributes of a European University.

I love it.

Being in university again after working in the industry (think : drudgery, thankless drudgery!) for three years is absolutely exhilarating.

I have to pause here and thank my amazing boyfriend for helping me to be able to just put all my efforts into studies and home. No, I am not one of those females who think that she shouldn't work if she doesn't have to--but I am happy to say that with the generously-free-of-pay Swedish education, I am currently enjoying what most students in universities forget to appreciate--a literal study vacation, no work, just lots of wonderful time devoted to scholarly reading. We are currently trying to work out a schedule of work and study for both of us, which will ideally permit him to start university as well without us having money shortages, or not severe ones, anyway. If things run smoothly, it looks to be even doable. :)

So yes, university. Having examined my thoughts on the future, I think that I would like to be a professor/lecturer in one of the universities here in Stockholm. For that, I need a Ph.D., and for that, I need to graduate my Magister studies with an excellent record and impressive thesis. Easier said than done, but not impossible, I think (yeah, I may sound prideful here, but I would say that I stand a good chance at writing an impressive paper if I apply myself, as the subject does interest me, or I'd not be studying it at all). Therefore, it's currently something I am applying myself too.

Possibly, I need to apply myself more, but I am a hobbyist-procrastinator, and as far as the course will allow me time, I will procrastinate--but not beyond the limits where it would affect my grade, anyway. (Secret to non-destructive procrastination--allow oneself sufficient time to catch up on stuff before the imposed deadline... but that is topic for yet another draft to be talked about at a later time).

I must say that I love the Swedish university study system--semesters composed of 4 five-week segments each, each segment being a single concentrated course of study, culminating in a final (essay or exam). It is wonderful to be able to enjoy the class readings without having to divide time between coursework for different classes (such as it would be if they were taken concurrently), and to be able to apportion the reading time as I see fit (see above paragraph about procrastination--you get the idea). When I was studying in USA, the homework assignments for various courses always ended up crowding each other for time, alternating with weeks of little load--but no way to "do ahead" without having received appropriate information for those particular courses--something that is completely obliterated here by the virtue of only having one course to study at any given time... a great idea for all its simplicity.

There is really a lot more to say about the university. I think I will make the subject of future entries even more narrow/specific--as this way I end up trying to write about everything, and end up speaking about whatever comes into my tired head on the general subject: not a good way to structure my thoughts.

Belated Introductions

2004-09-07T17:27:00.000+01:00

Allow me to introduce myself, though it may be somewhat late, several entries after the start of blog.

However, better late than never, and I might as well also clarify the idea of this blog while I am at it--and also why I have started a new blog even though I have had other journals on other sites before, and keep some of them active even now.

Anyway, my nickname is Lilith, and that is what I go by in real life as well ("Lils", more often, actually)--at least among friends and some family. The answer to the "where are you from?" question is long and involved, but I should say that counting every place I called home, this is my 4th country on the 3rd continent that I have lived on so far--and I am not that old. :P I am guessing that I will get into those details eventually but not at the moment.

About myself--I have recently moved to Sweden from USA. While in US, I have received two Bachelors' degrees: one in biology and one in chemistry, and upon arrival here, I have started working on a Magister degree in Social Anthropology. Why the 'switch'? No reason other than this field interests me as well as the other two, and the fact that I had done a fair deal of study in it as electives and independent study in USA, while working on the other two degrees.

Some people say that is too much school, but I have had the time to work some between studies, which taught me the joy of being in school--it beats work, particularly office work, any day of my life. Consequently, I plan to go for a Ph.D. after I finish my Magister, and then probably try to get into teaching at the university and doing some research.

Can you tell I really really didn't like working 'in the industry'? :)

Hmm, what else about me matters? Well, I would say that the main thing is that I am a happy critter--I have a wonderful boyfriend that I live with, I moved to Europe--something I had wanted to do in a looooong time, I love plants in general and orchids in particular--and have some of this and that and the other around the apartment, and I am back in school. Life is going extremely well right now, *knock on wood* and all that--don't want to jinx it in any way.

No, I am not superstitious, but it never hurts to knock on my wooden head. ;)

Other than the boyfriend, I also have a lot of friends (should make an entry detailing them eventually, in case I start mentioning them by name), and two absolutely wonderful 5-month old (as of right now) kittens. They are Norwegian Forest Cats, and eventually we might even have babies from them (they aren't brother and sister)--but not now (see "Cat in Heat" entry). They are two of the most amazingly friendly and social baby cats that I have ever met (and being a cat person, I have met many), who adore people, being picked up, cuddling, sleeping in bed with their mommy and daddy, and purring like 8-cyl engines. (Lazy buggers sleep 18 hours a day, too--maybe that is the true Scandinavian beauty secret???)

Hmm, where was I? Right, introductions. Well, I think this should suffice for now.

As to purpose of this blog--the immediate reason why I opened a new blog was mentioned in first entry, but the more important reason why I really thought I would write in this blog, was this--I have two other journals, but both of them are within small communities, and to me, those journals were rather colored by interaction with denizens of those communities. I like my journals to be a sounding board for my thoughts and to help me concentrate those. No, I do not mind having comments--I welcome them, in fact. It's just that my old journals have gotten somewhat stale--having started the university studies again just a couple of weeks ago, and having evaluated some of my newer life goals, a clean slate really seemed to be in order.

So here I am. :)

Monday Blahs and Ramblings, and a Cat in Heat

2004-09-06T12:33:00.000+01:00

The weather today is remarkably blah, especially after a very warm and sunny weekend. The pressure has dropped and my temples are aching a bit (just noticed it). I have homework to read, so I am probably going to do that all day, most likely in bed. I really should wash dishes, but I feel like letting it slide today and being lazy. I mean, I have the weather to blame... damn weather! ;)

The wandering jew plant that we rooted in a jar, and have now potted up is doing rather well and looking perky two days after being taken out of water and planted. I guess it is adapting well to the soil. I will apply fertilizer in a week or two--too early to do that at the moment, as it might damange the delicate baby roots that will be developing underground (hopefully, anyway).

The fall is coming, and we have a few big probjects that we need to complete before the winter--buying and installing shelving is one of them, and probably the most major. We also need to take kitchen cabinet doors to the painters' to get them painted purple-blue, to match the rest of our kitchen decor. White and purple-blue will be the main theme colors, but I am in no way anal about my decor, so there will be much other colors around regardless of the paint jobs and shelving.

One of our growing kittens, Asynja, is now 20 weeks old, and she's getting to that age. That age--you know. Her sister has just entered heat, and we've noticed today that Asynja is talking a bit more than usual and wants to be picked up and cuddled a lot. And purrs and purrs and purrs. Yeah, early signs of heat coming on. We have called a vet and secured kitty birth control pills for her (going to pick that up tomorrow), as we also have a breeding male of same age, and we most emphatically do not want to have our girl pregnant at this time. Not to mention that we really don't have time to deal with kittens right now.

But now that that's taken care of (or nominally so till she actually has the pill in her system), that's one less thing for me to worry about.

I have been working on writing out our kittens' and their littermates' and mothers' genotypes--it is a big difficult writing those from just phenotypes and pedigrees with no genetic records, but the pedigrees are quite clear, and in many cases the sires have many litters which can also be assessed for info. However, it recently became clear that two of the girls for whom I already wrote gene patterns are actually spotted and not tabby/mackerel tabby, so we are going to have to rewrite those. The mother-cat is clearly the carrier of the spotted gene, though she is solid white/black herself, as is her father and mother (one or both are carriers).

Another project we need to get done is a website for our cats. And we need a breeder name, even if we are only going to have one litter in a year or two.

Lots of stuff to do, really. And I also need to get things done here, such as homework, so going to finish up with this, and get back to reading.

Little Kalanchoe Plants

2004-09-04T18:24:00.000+01:00

A friend of ours came to visit yesterday--we went to see Shreck II together last night--and brought me three tiny terra cotta pots full of Kalanchoe (Bryophyllum) plantlets (keiki in orchid terms). Adorable little things, really.

I like Kalanchoe plants--they are easy to grow, they bloom pretty when mature, and their juice, squeezed out, makes really good nose drops for when you have a cold. Of course, these tiny things are too young and won't be big enough to do that this winter--but should be about the right size by next year.

I guess I should mention that I love plants (as if that wasn't evident from the above), and if I had the space, I'd have a veritable jungle in my home. I don't have the space, not a whole lot anyway (it's not too small a place by European standards), but I still have a lot: 8 pots of orchids, a Calamondin tree (with two generations of fruit--one almost ripe, and one in the growing state), a peace lily, a variety of amaryllis, a dracena, and a still-unpotted wandering Jew plant (or ten--they are sitting in a jar of water)... and I just got inspired to go and pot it up, and I'm going to go do that now.

So be back and write more later.

On The Net :: Part I, Status and Ego

2004-09-03T16:20:00.000+01:00

Musings on the Subject of Untruth and Pompousness

Everyone wants to be someone important, someone of consequence, right? For the most part--and with some rather rare psychologically unusual exceptions, everyone wants to be "somebody" as opposed to just nobody that no one knows or cares about.

On the internet, there is a (rather transparent, when examined carefully) seeming of anonymity and possibiliy to pretend a variety of things that one may or may not be in real life--in other words, to lie. It is a seeming and not a reality because the anonymity of the internet is a rather relative thing, while one's reputation on the net is near a constant, at least as long as you stay in your habitual circles. People have long memories, and longer on the net, because of easy accessibility of archives on most sites.

There are two routes around that--one is to actually be that transparent and not lie about things, and another is to actually keep oneself anonymous--and then you can pretend to be whatever, at least to an extent that is believable and likely (contrary to the popular belief, people aren't much more stupid on the net than they are in real life). I will discuss lies on the internet another time--currently, a related issue is on my mind, for it is the type of personality that is prone to attempt the latter path (regardless of how anonymous they actually manage to be) that tends to irritate me to no end, as they are almost always true nobodies in real life, and pretend to be anything and everything on the net, positively bristling with self-importance and net status (if they are able to achieve it to any extent).

How does one, then, achieve internet importance, even in small terms? I speak here in generalities (though will try to avoid generalizations), and in small terms, because there are many more things on the net than I can or have time to describe in details. There is such a thing as internet power status, very localized and limited, of course--being a moderator, irc Op on a popular channel, or administrator. To be an admin (for the purposes of status as oposed to purposes of adminning one's web site), one must actually create something that attracts a population, like a forum or a blog site--you pick. The positions of Op and moderator are, however, generally acquired things. They are consequently less powerful than the administrator position, and therefore are far more of an accessible (being that becoming an admin of anything worthwhile is rather difficult) status statement on the internet--"look, someone who is an admin thinks I am worthy of being a moderator for his site/forum/channel/whatever!".

There are then also online organizations that have command structures one can endeavor to become a part of, and then the command has a limited to the net, but very real within its limits, power over the membership of their organization and ability to dispence justice within those bounds.

I by no means would claim that all entities in positions of limited power over their little corners of the internet are there for the buttering of their own egos and power-trips, by no means, that isn't so. All I am pointing out is that to those who would want to act in a pompous man-o-power self-important manner, those positions are the naturally sought-after item.

Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely--should a person of those questionable qualities end up in a position of power, the misuse of it is almost a certain constant in this psychological equation. Sooner or later, they will put others down just because they can, and the exercise of that power makes them feel more important and significant in their own eyes.

To wrap up the entry, I am just trying to classify the breed for study, making a few notes. This was inspired by encountering one of those pompous online bureaucrats today in my net sphere, and I will now take steps to never come into his possible sphere of power again. This person had not touched me directly in such a way as to provoke me, but I resent the possibility of finding myself being talked to as an underling by someone who is a likely nobody in real life, and not my employer, either.

The beauty of the net is that if you don't like it somewhere on the net (where you are nominally welcome), it's your choice whether to remain there. People in real life and on the net will get away with precisely as much as you let them get away with.

I prefer not to let people get away with much.

New Blog

2004-09-01T23:01:00.000+01:00

First entry.

I ended up starting this blog because I wanted to comment on a blog of my friend here, and got a prompt to register. It's really not the worst reason to start a blog from where I sit--I've seen far worse around the net--like people who started blogs to write about their cheating habits in the supposed-anonymity of the net, people who wanted to advertise their sexual favors, people who wanted a soapbox to spew racist stuff, and other various unsavory reasons.

So let us suppose, then, that I had a good enough reason to start a new (yet another) blog. Now that I am here, what should I say in it? No question why, I like to yap in public--but what about? And should I care if people find what I write interesting and worth reading?

I will not post any embarrassing personal details, so that will cut down on the traffic of this page rather significantly. That is ok with me. I may like getting comments on what I write (they give one a sense that someone knows who you are on the net or pays attention--false or true as that might be), but I will not attention-whore on the net.

I guess I will wait and see and see what I feel like writing. Usually, that ends up quite a lot.